Betrayal, Truth and Trust
by SkySmoke
Summary: Starting at the summit, what could have happened had everything been different. What if Lexa hadn't died, but was no longer commander? How does she deal with that and how do they move forward? Clexa fluff, some drama mixed in.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**

I do not own The 100 or any of the characters. Parts of this story will be scenes from the show, word for word, woven in to my own story. I do not claim credit for those parts. That credit belongs to the authors.

* * *

Clarke sat in her room, the knife Roan left cradled in her hands, his instructions running through her head over and over. The concept was simple enough; kill Lexa and her people would be safe. Azgeda would take control and become their allies.

But could she do it? Her anger at Lexa for the betrayal at Mount Weather was still strong, but in a way she could understand the choice Lexa has made. She had run the scenario over and over in her head countless times since she left her camp; had she been given the same choice would she have chosen differently.? Would she have stood by Lexa or taken her people to guaranteed safety? She never could answer herself. And then there were her feelings for Lexa, which were even further confused by the fact the commander had wanted her kept safe. She'd left her to die only to go out of her way to keep her safe? She started to run over her conversation with Roan in her head again when she she heard the foot steps of someone approaching the door.

After a moments hesitation she slipped the knife into her sleeve and stood up, just as Lexa entered the room.

"You wanted to see me? I'm here."

Her voice was soft, almost questioning. Not the same powerful voice she used when speaking as the commander. Clarke was facing away from her and briefly closed her eyes, still torn.

"Clarke." Lexa spoke with a hint of frustration and Clarke heard her take a step forward. She took a deep breath and spun to meet Lexa, the knife sliding out of her sleeve and to the commanders neck in one fluid movement. Lexa froze, and so did Clarke; her breaths coming in shaky gasps as she pressed the knife into Lexa's skin. They both stood there; Lexa made no move to fight or escape although Clarke knew full well she was more than capable.

Clarke looked up and was surprised to meet Lexa's stare eye to eye. She was expecting anger or outrage but instead saw nothing but trust and understanding. She felt her resolve, and anger, start to crumble as tears threatened to fall.

"I'm sorry." Lexa whispered and that was all it took for Clarke to realize this wasn't what she wanted. She shook her head slowly as the tears rolled down her face. She pushed herself away from Lexa, turning away from her and letting the knife fall from her hand. Lexa continued to speak softly from behind her.

"I never meant to turn you in to this. You're free to go. Your mother is here, I'll have you escorted to her."

Lexa turned to leave, fighting to keep the emotions off her face.

"Wait." Clarke called from behind her. "I have a better idea."

Lexa stopped and looked over her shoulder at Clarke, waiting.

" Skaikru will join the coalition as the 13th clan. I'll talk to my mother and Kane. I'll explain to them that it's the best way to keep our people safe. You're right."

Lexa hesitated, then turned and walked towards Clarke.

"Azgeda will not recognize Skaikru joining the coalition unless you bow to me. If you don't, they will continue to question my power and we will be facing the same problem."

Clarke lifted her chin and looked Lexa in the eyes. Lexa recognized the challenge in Clarke's stare and chose her answer carefully.

"I know you said you'd never bow to me, but I'm telling you, it is the way of our people. A sign of respect, and recognition of power. You wiping out the mountain has put my power in question."

"Your power wouldn't be in question if you had stayed! We would have destroyed the mountain together! I didn't ask for this so called power. I asked for you to trust me, to fight with me. You said you trusted me, that you cared for me, but you betrayed me! You left me, and my people, to die!"

As she spoke Clarke walked slowly forward until she was toe to toe with Lexa, speaking with a quiet anger rather than screaming.

Lexa stared into Clarke's blue eyes as she spoke and almost had to hold back a smile. The sky girl was so passionate; it was one of the things that drew Lexa to her.

"I know. But I ask you this; if you had been in my position, would you have chosen differently?"

Clarke sighed and her shoulders sagged. Lexa was surprised to see her almost seem to deflate.

"I don't know. I've asked myself the same thing so many times and the answer is I don't know. I trusted you...I thought...you cared about me."

"I did...I do. It's why I made sure you were brought to me safely."

"But if you care...then how could you just leave?"

It was Lexa's turn to sigh. She turned and walked away from Clarke, pacing for a moment as she struggled to find the best way to answer the question. Clarke sat down on the edge of the bed, resting her knees on her elbows and cradling her head in her hands as she waited for Lexa's reply.

"Do you think it was easy for me to leave you there?" The question came out soft, almost as a whisper, and she quietly crossed the room to stand in front of Clarke.

Clarke laughed softly at the question before looking up at Lexa.

"I don't know, was it? Because it sure seemed like it was. You're the one who said you just stopped caring about everyone. You make it seem like it is to protect them, but maybe it's to protect yourself."

The anger seeped back into Clarke's voice as she spoke and Lexa inwardly cringed. This wasn't what she wanted.

"Clarke...I can't always make the decisions I want to make. I have to make the decisions that are -"

"Best for your people. I know. I was there." Clarke cut her off with a mocking tone. Lexa surprised her by sitting down on the bed next to her.

"Yes. Right for my people. All of my people. So how would I have explained turning down a deal that guaranteed their safety, now and in the future, because I wanted to stay for you?"

"Told them that you were honoring the truce and alliance we had built. Without my people, you wouldn't have even gotten close to that mountain, let alone..." Clarke's angry retort drifted into silence as she realized what Lexa had admitted. She looked up to find Lexa staring into her eyes.

"Wait...you wanted to stay for me..."

"Clarke...I..."

Clarke watched as Lexa, who was normally completely composed and in control struggled to keep her composure while still answering the questions that honestly didn't have answers. She knew how hard it was for Lexa to show any sign of emotion or weakness and in that moment Clarke realized how hard Lexa was trying. She reached out and placed her hand over Lexa's. Lexa looked down at their hands, then up at Clarke; her green eyes full of confusion.

"It's ok Lexa." She whispered, a tear rolling down her cheek.

"Clarke...I meant it when I said I was sorry..."

"I know. I see that now...but the dead are gone. We need to do what's best for the living."

Lexa tilted her head slightly, asking the question without saying anything.

"I will come to the summit and bow to you. Skaikru will become the thirteenth clan. We will stop this war."

The corners of Lexa's mouth turned up slightly in a soft smile. Clarke's hand was still resting on top of hers, neither of them moved.

"We should go talk to my mother and Kane, tell them the plan."

Clarke met Lexa's eyes and the commander nodded once before standing up, abruptly breaking their contact. Lexa was surprised by the twinge of sadness she felt as Clarke's hand slipped off of hers, but she pushed the feeling aside as she always did, easily slipping into the role of commander.

"Let's go. There is a lot to discuss and not much time. "

* * *

The discussion with her mother and Kane had gone smoother than Clarke thought it would. She had bathed and washed her hair in preparation for the summit and was sitting on the bed in her room when she heard a soft knock on the door.

"Come in."

She was surprised when Lexa opened the door and walked into the room. The commander didn't usually wait for permission.

"Since when do you knock?"

Lexa barely held back a smile; Clarke always made her opinions so obvious.

"I wanted to make sure you were dressed."

"Thank you, I appreciate that."

"I had some dresses brought in while you were bathing. I'm sure one of them will fit and be to your liking."

"I saw them, thank you."

"You're welcome. I assume you'll be doing your braids yourself? And your paint?"

"Paint?"

"You are Wanheda, you should have war paint. All the clans have markings or symbols, tattoos in some cases. You will be becoming the 13th clan. You should too."

"Oh...I guess I should. It's just, I've never..."

Clarke fumbled over the words. She felt stupid saying she had no idea where to even start with war paint, or the intricate braids for that matter. She'd wiped out Mount Weather but she couldn't do her hair or makeup. Lexa lifted her chin and looked puzzled.

"I can't do war paint...or the braids your people do. It will look ridiculous if I try."

"I can do it for you, if you'd like?" Lexa offered. Clarke smiled at the gesture and nodded.

She sat on the edge of the bed and Lexa stood behind her, running her fingers through her hair to remove the tangles before she got to work braiding.

Clarke sighed softly and found herself relaxing under Lexa's touch. It wasn't the first time she found herself wishing they had met under difference circumstances. She found herself thinking about when they kissed and how much she had just wanted to loose herself in it before she'd pushed Lexa back.

Lexa braided quietly. She could tell Clarke was lost in thought and didn't want to interrupt whatever it was she was thinking about. She was glad the sky girl didn't seem disgusted by her presence anymore and hoped they could get back to the way things had been going between them. She had known it was a bold move to kiss Clarke when she had, not really knowing for sure how the other girl felt. When Clarke said she wasn't ready yet, Lexa wanted to tell her that she'd wait; but the commander side of her wouldn't let her show that much emotion. She'd ready shown too much. She was going to end up putting Clarke in danger has she had Costia and the thought scared her more than it should have.

"Lexa?" Clarke spoke so quietly that Lexa wasn't sure she'd heard her.

"Yes Clarke?"

"Thank you."

"It's just braids and paint."

"No...not just that. For everything. For bring Sakikru in as the 13th clan. For wanting to keep my people safe. I know you say that war is brewing and you need the power of Wanheda...but I know you. That isn't your only reason, is it?"

The statement caught Lexa off guard and she paused for a moment before tying off one braid and moving on to the next. She was thankful that Clarke was facing away from her so she couldn't read the emotion all over her face. Typically she could keep herself under control, but it was getting harder when it came to Clarke; and it was a problem.

"Ice nation will not question my power once you bow before me at the summit and become the 13th clan. It will keep your people safe, and stop a war. I told you, no one will move against you because it would be moving against me."

"I'm not asking for the commander's reason, I'm asking for yours Lexa."

"I am the Commander, Clarke. That is my reason."

Lexa finished another braid and Clarke turned to face her, her blue eyes fierce.

"I know you are the Commander, but I know you. There is more to it than that. Just like there is a reason you had me brought here safe. If you really wanted my power, then according to your people's tradition you should have killed me to take my power. But that's not all this is about."

Lexa sighed but held Clarke's stare. She knew the other girl wasn't done.

"I know you think that feelings, love, is weakness. But it doesn't have to be. It can make you stronger. I've seen how strong being loved can make someone."

"Love can cause people to make stupid decisions. I can't make stupid decisions, the fate of too many people relies on my decisions."

"Love doesn't always cause people to make stupid decisions. Feelings aren't always weaknesses. Knowing people, trusting them, is sometimes what pushes people to do things they otherwise wouldn't. You thought I was wrong to count on Bellamy getting in to Mount Weather. You thought I was wrong to trust Octavia, but I wasn't."

"Caring for people puts them in danger, Clarke. It's a big risk."

Lexa's voice was low, on the edge of angry. She knew what Clarke wanted her to admit, but she wasn't ready to go there yet. Clarke stood up so they were inches away from each other, face to face.

"What if that risk is something they are willing to take?"

"What happened to Costia...just because she was mine...I couldn't ask anyone to take that kind of risk."

"It doesn't work like that Lexa. When you care about people, you never ask them to take the risks they take. They just do it."

Lexa slowly shook her head and looked away from Clarke. Clarke knew she was pushing it, but stepped sideways, forcing Lexa to make eye contact with her.

"What is your reason Lexa? For making Skaikru the 13th clan?" She asked softly, hoping not to anger the other girl.

"I told you -"

"No, you haven't. You've told me the reasons that you've made that choice as a commander, but I know there's more to it than that. If I'm going to bow before you in front of the entire coalition, and show that I trust you and am willing to follow you after what happened at Mount Weather, I think I deserve the truth."

Lexa closed her eyes and took a deep breath. As much as she wanted to fight and deny it, she was falling in love with Clarke. It terrified her that it could mean Clarke may face the same fate as Costia, but at the same time she didn't want to lose her. She knew if she didn't give her an honest answer, Clarke would never trust her.

"To keep you safe." Lexa whispered "I...care about you Clarke, and I brought you here to keep you safe. I want Skaikru as the 13th clan because it will also keep you safe."

Clarke smiled and reached for Lexa's hand. She grabbed her by the wrist and pulled closer until there was no space between them. Lexa's green eyes widened in surprise as Clarke leaned in and kissed her softly before stepping back.

A small smile played across Lexa's face before she turned serious again.

"Clarke..."

"You should finish my braids, and do my paint. The summit is soon."

Lexa was surprised by the abrupt shift in the conversation, but she nodded as Clarke turned around for her to finish the braids. She did so in comfortable silence, then Clarke turned back to face Lexa so she could do her paint. Lexa dipped her fingers in the black paint and gently spread it next to Clarke's eyes, letting her touch linger longer than necessary.

She'd been at war with her feelings for Clarke for a while. As she was finishing her hair she thought back to the angry conversation when Clarke had called her weak and a liar for hiding from her feelings. She was starting to see the truth it that statement, and she was also tired of hiding from them.

She picked up a brush to finish Clarke's paint.

"You say love means sometimes you're willing to take risks?" She asked softly, her mouth inches from Clarke's ear as she worked on the side of her face.

"Yes. Take risks, do stupid things, have faith when things seems impossible and find strength when you don't think you have anymore. It's not always weakness..."

Lexa considered her statement for a moment. Making Skaikru the 13th clan was a risk...one she was taking for Clarke.

"And knowing what happened to Costia...is this...a risk you're willing to take?" She gestured at the space between them and slowly looked up into Clarke's eyes.

"Yes." Clarke whispered, shocked at what Lexa was saying "but if you betray me again..." Her voice broke, the hurt from Mount Weather was still raw, even if it was something she understood.

"I won't." Lexa's response was immediate, her voice strong as she took Clarke's hand. "I'll prove it to you at the summit."

She leaned forward and kissed Clarke, softly at first, then with more intensity as Clarke's arm wove around her waist pulling them closer together. She smiled as she put a hand on Clarke's chest and gently pushed her back.

"Let's finish getting ready, it's almost time."

Clarke nodded and was unable to wipe the smile off her face as Lexa finished her war paint and they got dressed. Lexa took her hand as they went to walk out of the room and Clarke looked at her questioningly.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm not a liar Clarke, and I'm done running from my feelings."

Clarke nodded and they walked down the hall together. Titus raised his eyebrows at them.

"Heda...do you think this is a good-"

"Shof op, Titus."

Lexa silenced him with a waive of her hand and he fell into step behind them as they made their way to the summit.

* * *

The doors of the summit hall opened and Clarke walked in, headed straight towards Lexa, who was standing at her throne. She stopped a few feet back from the steps and held Lexa's gaze for a moment before dropping to one knee and lowering her head. A quiet murmur made its way through the crowd as everyone else did the same. Once everyone was quiet, Lexa began.

"Hail warriors of the 12 clans."

"Hail commander of the blood." They replied in unison.

"Rise."

Everyone stood and the whispers continued as most people cast questioning glances at Clarke. Lexa continued.

"We welcome Skaikru to our halls in the spirit of friendship and harmony. And we welcome Clarke Kom Skaikru, legendary Wanheda, mountain slayer.

The reason for this summit has changed. We are not here to negotiate a treaty with the Skaikru, but rather to initiate them into the coalition. To symbolize this Union, the leader of Skaikru must bear our mark."

There was a quiet conversation between Kane and Abby where it was decided it would be Kane who bore the mark. Lexa nodded at him.

"Present your arm."

Kane did as he was instructed and barely held back a scream as the mark was burnt into the skin of his forearm. He nodded at Lexa a stepped back into his place next to Abby.

Lexa turned to Clarke and held out her hand.

"Wanheda."

She gestured for Clarke to join her next to the throne. Clarke furrowed her eyebrows. Lexa had gone over the summit with her, and this had not been mentioned. She walked over to Lexa and took her hand as she stepped up in front of the throne.

"What are you doing?" Clarke whispered.

"I told you, I'm done running. And I'm going to prove that I won't betray you."

Still holding Clarke's hand, Lexa dropped to one knee. Clarke barely held in a gasp of surprise and silence quickly filled the room.

Lexa was aware of the deafening silence but never took her eyes off Clarke as she spoke.

"I swear fealty to you, Clarke Kom Skaikru. I vow to treat your needs as my own. And your people as my people."

Clarke could feel the tears building in her eyes as she took in the meaning of Lexa's statement. She knew the risk Lexa was taking as Commander by saying what she had said. She didn't know how to respond so she did the first thing that came to mind.

She tugged on Lexa's hand, encouraging her to stand up, then kneeled in front of her. Lexa was shocked, but didn't let it show and kept her attention on Clarke.

"And I swear fealty to you, Lexa Kom Trikru, Heda. I vow to treat your needs as my own and your people as my people. And I vow that Skaikru will do our best to learn and uphold the rules and traditions of your coalition."

Lexa nodded and pulled Clarke until she was standing. She turned to face the still silent crowd, not letting go of Clarke's hand.

"Clarke Kom Skaikru is mine. Jomp em op en yu jomp ai op. Attack her, and you attack me."

Lexa raised her chin and stared in defiance at the crowd, daring anyone to challenge her. A few people shifted restlessly but everyone remained silent.

"This summit is over. Welcome Skaikru, 13th clan. I will have one of my guards and a few other ambassadors fill you in on the laws and answer any questions you may have."

"Thank you, Heda."

One by one the crowd began to kneel for Lexa to leave. Clarke started to do so as well but Lexa squeeze her hand and gently shook her head no. Once everyone had knelt, they walked out the doors side by side flanked by guards with Titus behind them.

Once they were out of earshot of the crowd, Clarke spoke.

"Clarke Kom Skaikru is mine" she mocked lightly as they walked through the doors of Lexa's bedroom. "So I belong to you now, is that how it works?"

Lexa closed the doors behind them before answering.

"Yes...does that bother you? I thought -"

"That's not what I meant. It just sounds...like you own me. Wasn't that risky? Kneeling before me like that in front of everyone? Won't Azgeda-"

"It's a risk I'm willing to take."

"Because I'm yours?" Clarke laughed, a coy smile spreading across her face.

"Because you're mine." Lexa answered, the serious tone in her voice and the look in her eyes made Clarke's heart skip a beat. She walked over to Lexa and took her hand, pulling her towards the bed.

"I'm yours...I think I can get used to the sound of that."

"Good." Lexa smiled as she let Clarke pull her down onto the bed and into her arms. "Because I don't plan on letting you go."

Clarke smiled, then whispered "Prove it" as her lips met Lexa's and for the first time they let themselves get lost in each other.

* * *

 **Author's Note**

This was originally posted as a one shot, however, I had a longer fic planned and decided to just use this as the starting point. Buckle in, its going to be a long ride.


	2. Chapter 2

Their peaceful moment was short lived. A few minutes later there was a frantic pounding at the door.

"Heda!"

Clarke groaned and wrapped her arm tighter around Lexa's waist.

"What can they possibly need already? They can wait."

The pounding continued.

"Heda! Come quick!"

"Doesn't sound like they can."

Lexa's eyebrows furrowed with concern as she extracted herself from Clarke's embrace and headed for the door. Clarke huffed and followed her.

Lexa opened the door and Titus all but fell through as he reached to bang on it again.

"What is it?"

"I'm sorry Heda. Moments after you left, members of Skaikru broke in with guns claiming the summit was a trap. They state they received the information from Ice Nation, but their informant was nowhere to be found."

Lexa quickly glanced at Clarke and jerked her chin as an indication that they should go. Clarke trailed behind Titus and Lexa as they hurried back to the summit room where everyone was still gathered.

Clarke was surprised to see Bellamy, Octavia and Pike standing in the center of the room. She was about to ask them what was going on when Raven's panicked voice came over the radio.

"Bellamy?! Bellamy come in."Bellamy looked at Clarke and shook his head and he reached for the radio.

"The grounders attacked mount weather." Raven continued as he pulled the radio from its clip on his belt.

"What are you talking about?"

"It's gone…its gone. They're all gone…Sinclair and I are the only ones left. I'm so sorry…" She broke off sobbing and the entire room was silent except for her anguished cries for a minute until the ice nation ambassador stepped in front of Bellamy.

"You should have never moved your people back into Mount Weather. The ice nation did what Lexa was too weak to do."

He turned and faced Lexa, smirking.

Rage quickly crossed Lexa's face and her command started as a low growl that quickly changed into a booming yell.

"This. Is an act of war! Sentries! Arrest the ice nation delegation, including the prince!" The guards moved to obey her before she even finished speaking.

Abby turned to Kane as Prince Roan was being taken out of the room.

"We need to get home. If they attacked Mount Weather, Arcadia could be next."

"I agree" Kane replied, then looked to Lexa for direction.

"Go. Marshall your forces. We'll avenge the attack together."

"I'll escort them." Indra offered. Kane nodded and they moved to leave. Indra handed Octavia a sword.

"I hope you've kept up your training, you'll need it."

"Clarke. We need to leave. Now." Bellamy said with a pointed look at Clarke. She opened her mouth to speak but Lexa answered from behind her.

"We need an ambassador from the 13th clan to say in here in Polis."

Bellamy glared at Lexa.

"It's not safe here."

"Clarke will be safe here under my protection." Lexa promised. Clarke picked up on the slight softening in Lexa's tone, but she could tell her mother and Bellamy were not convinced.

She had been rooted to where she stood since they walked in the room, having a hard time processing everything that was going on but she knew she needed to act. She walked over to her mom.

"I have to stay." She spoke quietly. Abby's face clouded with concern.

"Clarke…" she whispered as she started to shake her head no.

"I have to make sure she keeps her word." Clarke whispered back. Abby sighed then turned her attention to Titus, who had moved next to Lexa and was speaking into her ear.

"Commander. We must convene the war council immediately."

Lexa looked at Clarke, her eyes questioning. Clark nodded.

"I'll be right there."

She turned back to Abby and gave her a hug. Kane smiled at them as they separated.

"Be safe."

"You too." Clarke nodded and smiled softly at him.

She squeeze Abby's hands one last time before Abby and Kane walked out of the room. She looked up and Bellamy was standing not far from her, his face angry. He walked up to her before speaking, his voice barely above a whisper.

"She left us to die on that mountain. She will always put her people first. You should come home to yours."

Clarke lifted her chin. She knew Bellamy hadn't seen the vow she and Lexa had made to each other. She also knew how angry he was at her; it was etched on every line of his face and dripping from his voice. If he hadn't been told, now was not the time to try and explain that things had changed.

"I'm sorry."

He narrowed his eyes at her and gave an angry glance over her shoulder towards Lexa before turning and walking out of the room. Clarke closed her eyes for a second before turning to Lexa and nodding; and indication that she was ready for whatever came next.

* * *

Later that night everyone had left. Clarke had changed and upbraided her hair. Her and Lexa both had removed their warpaint. It was just them and Titus in the throne room and Lexa was walking Titus out.

"Let me know as soon as the scouts arrive." She instructed.

"I hope you know what you're doing." He said quietly before closing the doors, leaving Clarke and Lexa alone.

"I keep asking myself, how did the grounders know there was a self-destruct mechanism inside Mount Weather?" Clarke asked as Lexa walked towards her.

Lexa kept her head down as she thought of a way to respond. She knew Clarke's trust in her was still new and fragile; she didn't want to lose it now. She also knew Bellamy's statement about her leaving them to die had made Clarke rethink everything that had happened at the summit.

"We'll have the answers soon Clarke." She said softly as she moved closer then looked into Clarke's eyes, "Thank you for staying."

"I stayed because it was the right thing for my people." Clarke could hear the cold anger in her voice as she spoke, but she didn't care. She needed to know if Lexa meant what she'd vowed earlier. The commander's response was immediate.

"Our people."

Clarke stepped forward until there was only a few feet between them.

"Do you really mean that?"

"I do. Your people are my people. Your needs are my own. I already swore it to you. Now let me prove it."

The sincerity in Lexa's voice caused a lump to form in Clarke's throat and tears built up in her eyes. She knew how hard it was for Lexa to let her guard down and show any kind of emotion; the fact that she seemed to be trying so hard to convey her sincerity meant a lot to Clarke. She knew she saw a side of the commander that very few, if any, got to see.

Clarke's silence made Lexa slightly nervous until she realized Clarke was almost in tears. She reached for Clarke's hand.

"I know I have to earn your trust again." Clarke nodded, not trusting herself to speak. "And the trust of your people. I will."

Clarke nodded and squeeze Lexa's hand.

"Thank you." She whispered as Lexa slowly pulled her closer.

"Hm." Lexa made the sound in the back of her throat, her face now inches away from Clarke's. She turned her head and softly kissed Clarke's neck, then whispered in her ear. "Are you sure the only reason you stayed is because its what's best for your people? I know you…and I think there is more to it than that." Her breath on Clarke's skin made the sky girl shiver involuntarily. Lexa smiled and kissed down Clarke's neck to her collar bone, enjoying the feeling of watching Clarke's anger and self-control come undone.

"There may have been other deciding factors…" Clarke answered, her voice thick as she put her finger under Lexa's chin, tilting her face up and kissing her slowly. Lexa smiled into the kiss then pulled back.

"Like?" She raised one eyebrow at Clarke, who laughed.

"You, commander." She answered softly, all traces of the earlier anger and mistrust gone from her voice as she pushed a piece of Lexa's hair behind her ear.

"We should sleep. Morning will come soon and the war council will not be easy."

"What happens?"

"The queen of Azgeda will be brought in front of the council and charged. Depending on what she says will determine what happens. It is likely she will be executed for her crimes. I'm sure she will have much to say though. The ice queen is ruthless and she is not stupid. I'm sure she has a plan to all of this."

"Like what?"

"I'm not sure, but I'm sure it will involve me somehow. And she is not going to be happy or want to recognize Skaikru as the 13th clan. Don't worry now. We will have time for that tomorrow. Like I said, we should sleep. I will have guards placed outside of the entrances to your room. There are also guards at the entrance to the floor and it is only us and Titus up here. You will be safe.

Clarke nodded. She thought about suggesting that they share a bed but she didn't want to push Lexa and she wasn't sure she was ready for it either. Not yet.

Lexa kept ahold of Clarke's hand until they got to the door. She turned and kissed Clarke again briefly before opening the doors and instructing the guards to escort Clarke to her room. It amazed Clarke how quickly she could slip back into the commander role. All traces of softness and emotion were gone as she turned to leave.

"Sleep well, Clarke kom Skaikru." She called over her shoulder as they went their separate ways down the hall.

* * *

The following morning they were in the throne room for the war council. Lexa was seated on her throne, Clarke in the ambassador's seat closest to her left side and the other twelve ambassadors were seated in a half circle facing Lexa as she spoke.

"Ambassadors of the coalition, today we honor our covenant. The clan that stands against one of us, stands against us all."

Titus addressed the guards.

"Lia fingadon in. (Bring in the accused.)"

The guards opened the doors and Queen Nia of Azgeda was led in. Her hands were chained in front of her and there was a guard on each arm. She looked at Clarke with unmasked hatred in her eyes and Clarke held her stare. The guards stopped her halfway to Lexa and forced her to her knees; it was only then that she looked away from Clarke and at the Commander. Titus continued.

"Queen Nia of Azgeda has confessed to the destruction of Mount Weather, resulting in the deaths of forty nine members of Skaikru."

As he spoke, a sadistic smile crossed the queens face and she lifted her chin as she continued to stare at Lexa. Titus turned to Clarke.

"Wanheda, what say you?"

All the ambassadors and Lexa turned to look at Clarke. She raised her head as she glared at Nia.

"Skaikru demands justice." Her voice was harsh and cold.

"Azgeda nou badan disha gada op nowe. (Ice nation does not answer to this girl.)" The queen practically spat the words in trigedasleng.

"Silence!" Titus demanded. "The punishment for your crime is death." A ripple of whispered conversation ran through the other ambassadors as he continued. "Do you have anything to say in your defense?"

"I need no defense. She does. Today is judgement day. I call for a vote of no confidence."

The hate on the queen's face matched the tone in her voice as she continued to glare at Lexa. Lexa lifted her chin and met her stare with one that showed equal hate, but only in her eyes. Her face remained impassive.

"Take this queen to meet her fate." Titus instructed the guards. They moved to escort her from the room when another ambassador stood up.

"Slou yu rou duan. (Not so fast.) Nou Heda noumou. (commander no longer)."

A few others stood up as well, all repeating the same thing one by one.

"Nou Heda noumou."

"Take them away too!" Titus demanded.

The guards moved as instructed.

"Hod op! (wait)" Lexa commanded loudly and everyone stopped.

"Lexa, please, execute these traitors-"

"Let her make her move." Lexa said quietly and held up her hand to silence Titus.

The other ambassadors continued to stand, each repeating nou head noumou until Clarke was the only one left seated.

"Commader, what is this?" Clarke's voice rose slightly, showing her nerves.

"This is a coup." Lexa answered calmly, never taking her eyes off Nia.

"This is the law. Her law." Nia answered as she stood up and faced Clarke. "A unanimous vote of the ambassadors or death are all that can remove a commander from power."

She turned back towards Lexa as she finished speaking and the power play between the two women was tangible. Nia was a powerful presence and Clarke could tell she was trying to intimidate both herself and Lexa. Lexa seemed un-phased.

"It's not unanimous." Clarke stated loudly, glaring at Nia.

"We don't recognize the legitimacy of Skaikru." The queen practically growled.

"We do." Titus answered calmly. "Yesterday, Skaikru took the brand. They are the 13th clan. This vote of no confidence fails! All these coup plotters will suffer the exact same fate as the Ice Queen." He turned and pointed around the circle and the other ambassadors shifted nervously. Nia just smiled while still looking at Lexa.

"She won't take our heads because she knows our armies will retaliate. None of us here wants war." Nia raised her voice as she turned in a full circle, looking at all of the ambassadors before facing Lexa again.

Lexa lifted her chin, her stare and voice cold.

"We both know what you want, Nia." She stood and slowly walked down the steps in front of her throne until she was face to face with the Ice Queen.

"If you think me unfit to command, issue the challenge and let's get on with it."

"Very well, you are challenged." The queen answered with a smirk.

"And I accept your challenge."

Clarke sucked in a quiet breath. It always amazed her to see Lexa as commander in situations where sheer power was required. She exuded confidence and control. Where Nia's anger and intentions were obvious, Lexa was almost impossible to read except for the quiet hate that emanated from her eyes as she spoke. She was beautifully terrifying to watch.

"So be it. Soulou gonplei (single combat). Warrior against warrior. To the death." Titus announced.

"Nia of Azgeda," Titus continued "who do you choose to be your champion?"

"My son, Roan. Prince of Azgeda." She turned to look at Roan, whose face showed traces of contempt and disbelief.

"Heda, who will fight for you?"

A look of worry crossed Clarke's face as she watched Lexa slowly walk back and sit on her throne, again meeting the stare of the ice queen.

"Ai laik Heda. Non na throu duan gon ai. (I am commander. No one fights for me.)"

Clarke's heart skipped a beat as she watched Nia's smile grow and a look of complete dread cross Titus's face. She also remembered watching Roan fight when he had captured her and couldn't believe Lexa was going to fight him herself. Her mind immediately started racing. There had to be a way to talk Lexa out of fighting for herself.

The war council ended and Lexa was whisked away to other duties, leaving Clarke to worry in her room alone until later in the afternoon when Titus had one of the guards bring her back to the throne room.

She walked in and Lexa was teaching a group of children. Clarke smiled slightly and how much different she was versus this morning. It was obvious in the way she spoke that she cared for the children. The scary commander was gone, and in its place was a caring teacher who still demanded respect.

"Talk her out of it yet?" Clarke whispered to Titus as she moved to stand next to him.

"No, but maybe you can."

"I don't understand. The queen's not fighting, why should she?"

"The queen's strength is not in doubt. Thanks to you, Heda's is."

Clarke's heart sank at the realization that she had something to do with the situation Lexa was in. Anger quickly followed because it was Lexa's actions at Mount Weather that had started everything. She shoved the feelings aside; it didn't do any good to dwell on the past or the feelings it conjured up. They were trying to fix things.

Lexa ended her instruction of the children and Titus clapped his hands, instructing them all to rise. They did so and formed a line and began to exit the room.

As Clarke walked towards Lexa, she stopped the last child; a young boy.

"Aden, stay."

The boy stopped and turned so he was facing forward; Lexa on one side and Clarke on the other.

"Clarke, this is Aden. Aden is the most promising of my novitiates. If I should die today, he will likely succeed me."

Lexa's voice was very matter of fact as she spoke. Clarke opened her mouth to speak but nothing would come out, all she could think of was how young the boy was. Lexa smiled as she spoke to Aden.

"Clarke worries about her people. Tell her what will happen to them when you become Heda, Aden."

The boy turned to face Clarke.

"If…I become Heda, I pledge my loyalty to the 13th clan."

Clarke glanced at Lexa then back at Aden. She could tell the boy meant what he said and that his loyalty to Lexa was unwavering; but he was just a child.

"Thank you, now go join the others."

Aden bowed at Lexa and left the room. Clarke shook her head as she watched him leave.

"See? Nothing to worry about." Lexa's voice was light and she seemed content with herself and her plan. It made Clarke angry.

"I'm sorry if I'm worried that the fate of my people lies in the hands of a child."

"Then you worry for nothing." Lexa quipped back, annoyance creeping into her voice. "I've sent Indra to raise an army from the villages near Arkadia. Your people are protected, as I vowed they would be."

Lexa turned to walk back towards her throne and Clarke followed her.

"This is not just about my people!"

Lexa turned to face her and they stood feet away from each other in front of the throne. Clarke's voice dropped to a whisper.

"You don't stand a chance against Roan."

Anger flashed in Lexa's eyes and her voice was harsh.

"You've never seen me fight!"

"No! But I saw him kill three men in the time it took the first one to hit the ground."

"If you're right, today's the day my spirit will choose its successor and you need to accept that."

It was Clarke's turn to look angry.

"Like hell I do." She growled as she turned and walked out of the room. Lexa sat on her throne and watched her go, fighting the urge to call her back and comfort her. She knew Clarke was scared but there was nothing she could do to help her. She could not back down and choose someone to fight in her place. It would be seen as an act of cowardice and make the people question her power even more.

She was okay with the thought of her own death. It was a risk that came with being the Commander on a daily basis; but she also knew Clarke always looked for a less violent way to fix things. She let her go, but hoped that whatever she was plotting wasn't going to put her in danger.

* * *

Clarke swallowed hard outside of Queen Nia's room. The plan she and Roan had come up with was a good one. Make a pact in blood with the queen to change Clarke's vote and throw Lexa out of power. Clark would wipe whatever knife she used to cut her hand on her sleeve before offering it to the queen. Her sleeve was covered in poison that would kill the queen once she used the knife to cut her hand. Roan would become king and the coalition would no longer be in jeopardy

She nodded to the guard who opened the door and announced her arrival.

"Clarke of Skaikru, my queen."

"To what do I owe the pleasure?" Nia asked quietly as Clarke entered the room. The dark haired girl who had been standing with her moved to stand in the corner behind Clarke.

"What if I changed my vote?" Clarke asked, wasting no time getting to the point.

Nia raised her eyebrows.

"You know, I've heard of the vow you and Lexa made to each other. I thought you were hers now? Your fealty changes so quickly?"

"It might, that depends on you. I would need some assurances first."

"Now you're thinking like a leader of your people. Skaikru will be safe."

"And me?" As they spoke, Clarke walked down the side of the long table until she was standing close to Nia's side.

"My quarrel is with Lexa, not you." She stabbed the edge of her knife into the table as she spoke. "Once she is gone, I won't need the power of Wanheda."

Clarke pretended to contemplate the offer for a moment before answering.

"Okay."

"Okay? You don't want vengeance for the dead at Mount Weather?"

"My priority is with the living, not the dead."

She pulled the knife from the table and used it to slice her palm.

"Oso tai choda op kom jus. (we bind ourselves in blood)."

She wiped the blade on her sleeve, making sure to wipe both sides before stabbing it back in the table. Nia smiled.

"I see you've learned our oath."

"Do you accept?"

Nia stood and pulled the knife from the table.

Oso tai choda op kom jus" She repeated as she went to slice her palm when all of a sudden the girl standing in the corner yelled.

"Hod op!"

Before Clarke even knew what was going on the girl had flipped her onto her back and pinned her to the table as she sniffed her sleeve.

"Feisbona (poison, wolfsbane)."

Nia glared at Clarke as she wiped the blade off with a clean cloth.

"We could have been allies Clarke, but instead I declare you and your people enemies of Azgeda. Ontari, hold out your hand."

The girl held one hand out to Nia and kept Clarke pinned with the other. Nia sliced the girls palm then held her hand over Clarke's face and squeezed it until blood dripped out onto Clarke.

"I'm letting you live, for now, to send a message to Lexa. I have my own Natblida. And she will be the next commander."

Ontari let Clarke up and she hurried from the room. She wiped a finger in the blood on her face and was shocked when it came away black. She hurried to find Lexa; unsure of what the message meant.

* * *

A while later she stood in the throne room again with Lexa and Titus. She could feel the anger coming off Lexa when she told her what she had done, but Lexa had said nothing. Titus ran his thumb through the blood on Clarke's face.

"A commander from Ice Nation. Now all of Nia's provocations make sense, and we played right into it. She knew you'd accept her challenge." Titus sounded panicked as he spoke to Lexa. Clarke walked up next to them.

"I've never seen blood that color before."

"It goes back to the first commander. When a nightblood child is found, they are brought here to be trained, or are supposed to be." Lexa answered quietly.

"Your legacy is no longer secure. There is still time to choose a champion." Titus pleaded.

"You know I can't do that." Lexa's answer was angry as she walked past Titus.

"Heda-"

"Leave us!" She commanded loudly and he looked sadly at Clarke before leaving the room. Clarke tried to calm the panic rising in her chest.

"Titus is right, you're giving her exactly what she wants." Lexa turned to face her.

"Only if I lose." The anger in Lexa's voice was clear as she continued "And what were you thinking? You could have gotten yourself killed! The ice queen is not merciful. She only let you live so that I would know about her nightblood." Lexa showed more emotion than normal but she couldn't stop herself; the thought of Clarke anywhere near the ice queen without any protection sent a jolt of fear through her.

Clarke tilted her head at Lexa's uncharacteristic outburst of emotion. She was surprised the commander voiced so much concern; it was unlike her for the most part.

"You mean just like you could get yourself killed today? I was trying to help. I had to try something!"

The anger left Lexa's face as she took a breath, trying to be patient with Clarke. Her voice was softer when she spoke again.

"I know you're just trying to help, Clarke, but there's nothing you can do here."

"I can't just let Roan kill you!"

"If that is to be my fate, you must!" Lexa yelled angrily, then softened again, trying to get a grip on her emotions. "You're driven to fix everything for everyone, but you can't fix this. I have to do this on my own, and you have to let me."

Clarke balled her hands into fists at her side. She couldn't believe it was coming to this. There had to be another way. As soon as the thought crossed her mind she realized what Lexa said was right. She was always trying to fix everything and this didn't seem like it could be fixed. She spun around and walked to one of the ambassador's chairs where she sat with her elbows on her knees, cradling her head in her hands as she tried to fight back the tears. She didn't understand how Lexa could be so calm and rational.

Lexa swallowed hard. She was being too hard on Clarke in an attempt to make her brave and accepting of their traditions. Lexa had accepted that if it was her fate to die today, then that was how it was to be. It had been their tradition for as long as she could remember and she knew that the likelihood of her dying because she was commander was high. But Clarke came from a different place and the grounders' ways seemed harsh and unnecessarily violent. She realized this might be the last time she saw Clarke and if it was, she didn't want it to end this way.

She quietly walked over and knelt in front of Clarke, waiting for the other girl to look at her. When she didn't, she reached out and tucked her hair behind her ear, leaving her hand on Clarke's cheek; she was a little surprised when Clarke leaned into her touch.

"It's okay. Everything's going to be okay." She whispered.

Clarke looked at Lexa, her blue eyes full of tears.

"You don't know that."

"I know it's hard for you to understand, but I do know. If I die, your people will still be safe. You will still be safe. I've made sure of it."

"It's not just about my people Lexa…"

"Clarke…it has to be this way. What happens happens. I'm sorry…"

Clarke took a deep, shaky breathe but didn't bother to stop the tears from slowly rolling down her cheek. Lexa wiped one away gently with her thumb.

"Lexa…"

"Shhh…" Lexa silenced Clarke with a soft kiss. Clarke wound her hand behind Lexa's neck and into her hair, kissing her back and trying to put everything she was feeling into the kiss so she didn't have to try and find the words. Lexa pulled back, breathless, and rested her forehead against Clarke's.

"I don't want to lose you…" Clarke whispered, her voice strangled around the tears she was fighting to hold back. Their relationship was new, and Clarke was still trying to figure her feelings out; how to separate the anger and betrayal from Mount Weather from the new feelings that were quickly growing between them. Despite all of her concerns, she couldn't ignore the fact that Lexa was the only thing that felt like home.

Lexa stepped back, surprised at Clarke's words and her heart swelled with emotion towards the sky girl, but before she could respond the horn sounded signaling the start of combat.

"I have to go." She whispered and took Clarke's hand in hers, squeezing it tightly.

"Heda, its time" Titus called from the hallway.

"I won't just sit there and watch you die…I can't…"

Lexa swallowed hard, fighting back her own tears, but simply nodded as she let go of Clarke's hand.

"Then this is goodbye…for now."

Clarke didn't bother to stop the tears running down her face as she watched Titus and Lexa leave the room. She paced back and forth, at war with herself. She didn't want to go watch Lexa die in the fight with Roan, but at the same time the waiting would kill her. Lexa had seemed upset when she said she wasn't going. Clarke stopped pacing abruptly as she realized that by not going she was not supporting Lexa. Everyone would see that as a reason to question her power as well. They had vowed fealty to each other; to treat each other's needs the same. She realized part of Lexa needed her there. She took a deep breath and head out the doors towards the battlefield.

* * *

 **Author's Note**

Longer chapter this time but I didn't want to leave it hanging at a horrible part. I know there are a lot of conversations and scenes from the show, it will become more its own story as it progresses. If you're still reading, thank you. Reviews are fantastic, I try to respond to all of them.


	3. Chapter 3

She could hear Titus addressing the crowd, explaining that the only rule was that someone had to die. She weaved her way through the crowds and made it to the front near Lexa as she was preparing to draw her sword.

Lexa looked up as Clarke pushed her way to the front of the crowd and pulled her hood off. She was happily surprised that the sky girl had shown up; it was an important show of support though she could tell Clarke was barely keeping herself together. A small smile crossed her face.

"I'm glad you came."

"Me too." The words came out shaky and Clarke nodded once, her bottom lip quivering. It took all of her self-control not to throw her arms around Lexa and drag her away; but she knew she had to appear strong and confident that the commander could win so she squared her shoulders and stood up straight as Lexa drew her sword.

Roan was coming from behind her to attack and Clarke was about to say something when Lexa spun around and blocked his attack, slicing his side as she did so. Roan snarled and glared at Clark as he spun around to attack again.

Clarke was surprised at Lexa's speed and grace as she spun and attacked Roan. They blocked each other's blows back and forth until they stopped, their swords crossed

Roan used his height and strength to his advantage and pushed Lexa back and down until she started to go down on one knee.

"You're done." He snarled and Clarke's breath caught in her throat as she watched Lexa grab the end of his sword in her hand, pushing back up until her hand bled and then using his own sword to push him back.

Clarke didn't have long to feel relieved because they were back to fighting within seconds. Roan knocked Lexa to the ground, kicking her sword away from her but she hit him in the knee, kicked him in the face and ended up knocking his sword away from him. She picked both up, leaving Roan without a weapon. For the first time Clarke felt a flicked of hope. It was short lived as she watched Roan punch a guard in the face as he took his spear.

Lexa and Roan when at each other, spinning, striking and blocking in some sort of deadly dance; beneath the terror Clarke was also in awe of Lexa. She had never seen the other girl fight and it was breath taking. She moved with a speed and grace that seemed as natural to her as breathing. Roan was equally skilled and blocked Lexa's every move. They paused for a moment, Lexa blocking Roan's spear with her swords crossed in front of her.

In the next second, Roan had knocked both of Lexa's sword out of her hand and kicked her in the stomach, sending her flying backwards onto the ground without a weapon.

Clarke's heart stopped as he walked over and stood over her. Lexa didn't move and Clarke didn't understand why until Roan used both hands to stab at her with the spear, certain of his win, and Lexa rolled sideways at the last second and used her legs to sweep Roan's out from underneath him as the spear stabbed the ground.

She cartwheeled away from him and deftly dodged all of his advances until he made a violent stabbing motion at her. She avoided it, and used his momentum to grab the spear, knocking his hand off of it then spinning it and cutting his leg. He stumbled to his knees and she used the handle of the spear to hit him hard under the chin, sending a spray of blood from his mouth as he hit the ground on his back, unmoving. Lexa walked over and put her foot on his chest, the spear aimed at his neck.

Queen Nia stood up and yelled.

"Get up! If you die, you don't die a prince, you die a coward."

"Get it over with" Roan mumbled at Lexa, his face contorted in anger.

"Jus drein, jus daun." Lexa spoke softly before taking the spear and throwing it at Queen Nia, spearing her through the chest.

A gasp of shock went through the crowd, followed by silence as they watched Queen Nia take a few gasping breaths, and then slump sideways, dead. All eyes turned towards Lexa and Roan. Lexa's voice boomed across the battlefield, power radiating from every part of her body.

"The queen is dead!" She turned to face Roan. "Long live the King!"

"Long live the king!" The crowd answered back before chanting "Heda! Heda! Heda!" Over and over again.

Clarke thought she might pass out from the relief as her eyes met Lexa's; it was over and she wasn't dead. This time Clarke had to hold back tears for a different reason as she watched Lexa survey the crowed; the unquestioned commander.

* * *

Later that evening Clarke stood in her room staring out the window at Polis. She hadn't seen Lexa since out on the combat field, nor did she really expect to. She assumed there was a lot to be discussed between Lexa and Roan as well as the rest of the Azgeda delegation concerning queen Nia's death.

She was sure at some point Lexa would point out that she had been right, and that Clarke had worried for nothing. The thought made Clarke laugh softly to herself. Lexa radiated confidence. The only time she had ever shown any signs of hesitation or doubt was in their few quiet moments together.

Clarke found herself reflecting over everything that had happened since the summit; mostly on her feelings for Lexa and their increasingly complicated relationship. As much as she cared for the Commander, there was still part of her that wondered if she would ever be able to forgive the betrayal at Mount Weather. If she would ever be able to trust Lexa completely. When they were alone and she was dealing with Lexa, not the commander, she felt like she could. When Lexa stepped into the role as commander, Clarke wasn't sure if she would keep her word if it meant putting her people at risk. She laughed again when she realized she had started thinking of Lexa as almost two separate people; but in a way she was. Clarke knew she saw a side of the other girl that very few, if any, ever saw. She sighed, wishing her emotions weren't so conflicting and at war with one another so much. She knew she responded to Lexa with misplaced anger sometimes and it wasn't fair to either of them.

A soft knock at her door pulled her from her thoughts. It was late, but she walked to the door anyways knowing it wasn't anyone that meant her any harm; there were too many guards protecting her for that to happen.

She opened the door and was surprised to find Lexa standing on the other side. Her war paint was gone and the braids had been removed from her hair. She was dressed in a simple, long nightgown and it was the most vulnerable and open Clarke had ever seen her look.

Clarke's first thought was relief; even though she knew Lexa was fine, it was another feeling all together to have her standing in front of her. In the next instance she felt annoyed and wasn't sure why.

"Is this I told you so?" She asked quietly.

"No. This is thank you." Lexa's voice was soft and honest as she spoke, her eyes met Clarke's and she could seen the sincerity in them. She felt her annoyance melting away as she stepped aside.

"Come in."

As Lexa walked through the door Clarke noticed the bandage on her wrist. She took a hold of it and turned her palm up to look at it. The bandage needed to be changed.

"Sit down, let me change that for you."

Lexa quietly walked to a chair and sat down, waiting for Clarke to get what she needed. Clarke was surprised to see that Lexa looked almost nervous as she sat down and she couldn't figure out why.

Lexa sat in the chair and waited patiently for Clarke to get a bandage, even though she didn't really feel it needed to be changed. She had just wanted to be with Clarke, for reasons she didn't completely understand. She was exhausted, both mentally and physically, from the events of the day but all she had wanted from the time the battle was over was to be with Clarke. This was the first time she had gotten a chance to do so, so if Clarke wanted to change her bandage she was going to let her.

Clarke sat down on a stool next to the chair and started unwrapping Lexa's hand as she spoke.

"That girl that was with Nia, Ontari. What will happen to her?"

Lexa watched Clarke unwrap her hand as she spoke.

"She won't be back until the Conclave after my death."

"Do you ever talk about anything other than your death?" Lexa wasn't sure how to answer until she looked up at Clarke and realized she was joking based on the small smile that crept across her lips. She smiled back and Clarke realized how little Lexa actually smiled and how beautiful she was when she did.

She tore a strip of fabric off of the bandage material she had and began re-wrapping Lexa's hand.

"Thank you for backing me." Lexa spoke softly but with a sincerity that surprised Clarke. It had clearly meant a lot that she had come to the battle.

"I was just doing what was right for my people; showing azgeda and everyone else that our vow to each other was strong, otherwise they would continue to question everything."

Clarke looked up at Lexa and was surprised to see her look hurt, even if it was just for a moment before she hid it. The shift in her demeanor made Clarke regret her answer immediately.

"Your ambassadors betrayed you. How do you move forward?"

"They were doing what they believed was right for their people too." Lexa's answer was just above a whisper and in that moment Clarke realized there was no easy answer to any of this. That people could be doing the wrong things for what they believed to be the right reason and none of them were 100% right or wrong. She realized the weight Lexa must carry trying to unite all of the clans, all of whom had such strong convictions.

She knew she had screwed things up from the moment she'd opened the door and wished she could go back and change the past few minutes, but she couldn't, so she figured she should quit before she messed anything else up. Lexa had clearly come with the intent of being genuinely thankful and Clarke had responded with bittnerness.

"Reshop, Heda (Goodnight Commander)." Clarke said quietly as she stood up.

Lexa stood and searched Clarke's eyes for a moment, trying to figure out what was going on in the sky girls head that she seemed so conflicted but it was late and she was tired so she figured it best left for another time. She smiled at Clarke's use of Trigedasleng.

"Goodnight, Ambassador."

Clarke closed her eyes and pressed her lips together in a tight line as Lexa walked past her towards the door. Despite her conflicted emotions, she didn't want the commander to leave. She felt a wave of panic at the thought of Lexa leaving; she thought she was losing her for good earlier in the day and now that she hadn't, she didn't want her to leave. Especially not like this.

"Lexa, hod op."

Lexa paused, then turned to face Clarke and waited.

"I'm sorry…I shouldn't have said what I said about doing the right thing for my people. That wasn't the only reason I came to the battle."

"It's okay Clarke. We say things we don't mean in times of stress."

Clarke shook her head as she moved across the room to stand in front of Lexa.

"It's not okay. You came to thank me and I know how hard that is for you and I-"

"It is not hard for me to be thankful, Clarke."

"No…but it's hard for you to show it."

"I accept your apology."

"Thank you."

"Is that all?"

Clarke bit the corner of her bottom lip as she wrestled with her emotions. She knew her panic over Lexa leaving was completely unfounded. She was perfectly safe in the tower, especially on this floor which was heavily guarded since it was the floor she lived on; but the thought of not being able to see her and know for sure that she was still okay caused Clarke's heart to race.

"Can you….stay?" She asked quietly, staring at the floor rather than meet Lexa's eye.

"Stay here? In your room?" Clarke nodded and she felt Lexa move closer to her. "Why?"

"I just…I know it's stupid…I just need to know you're okay. More than once today I thought I was going to have to watch you die and I just…I don't want you to leave."

Lexa was shocked at Clarke's admission. She knew the other girl was having problems forgiving her for her actions at Mount Weather. She also knew that was the reason behind Clarke's seemingly random bursts of anger and annoyance at her. She just tried to deal with them as they came because she knew she was going to have to work to gain Clarke's trust.

Clarke's asking her to stay made her heat beat faster and her breathe catch in her throat for a moment. She found herself amazed, and not for the first time, about how much the sky girl could make her feel.

"You know I'm safe in the tower, right? And so are you? There are many guards."

"I know…I just need you here. Please?"

"If you need me to stay, I will stay."

"Thank you. I can sleep on the floor, you should have the bed."

"Nonsense, there is no reason we can't share the bed. There is plenty of room. Unless you don't want to…"

"No, its fine. Just let me put this away."

Clarke walked across the room to put the bandage fabric away as Lexa crawled into bed. A few minutes later she felt Clarke climb into the bed behind her. She was lying so close they were almost touching, but not quite.

Clarke closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, taking in the scent of Lexa's hair and relaxing at the fact that she was so close; and that she was safe.

"Thank you, for staying." She whispered. She reached out and ran her fingers absent mindedly through Lexa's hair. Lexa shivered and scooted closer to Clarke, who kept gently running her fingers through her hair. Lexa felt herself relaxing under Clarke's touch and she let out a sigh she didn't realize she had been holding in.

Clarke was surprised by Lexa's reaction and let her hand trail from Lexa's hair, over her shoulder and down her arm until she slid her arm around Lexa's waist, pulling her closer. Lexa moved willingly into Clarke's embrace and smiled as she felt the other girl put her chin over her shoulder.

"I'm glad I didn't lose you today." Clarke whispered into her ear. Lexa weaved her fingers into the hand that Clarke had resting against her stomach and somehow moved impossibly closer to Clarke. She was surprised at how right and comfortable it felt.

"I'm glad I didn't disappoint you."

Clarke kissed the back of her shoulder softly.

"No, you didn't. Just…try not to die soon? Maybe tomorrow we can have a day where your life isn't on the line?" Clarke muttered against Lexa's skin as she lazily kissed her shoulder and up her neck before resting her head on the pillow beind Lexa's; her face practically buried in the commanders hair.

"I'll do my best." Lexa whispered as she felt Clarke's breathing deepen and knew she would be asleep soon. "Good night, Clarke."

"Goodnight Lexa."

* * *

Lexa woke early the following morning, before it was light out. It took her a moment to remember where she was. It had been a long time since someone had spent the night in her bed. She'd had lovers, but she never had them stay. She smiled at the weight of Clarke's arm still around her waist and the feel of her body pressed against her back. She could tell from her breathing that the sky girl was still asleep.

She carefully rolled on her back as so not to disturb her and tried to slowly slide out of the other girls embrace but Clarke woke up.

"Whatre you doing?" She slurred, her voice still heavy with sleep.

"It is early. I must get up. I train in the mornings. There is much to be done.

Clarke halfway opened one eye and looked out the window at the still dark sky.

"It's not even light out."

"I am aware."

Clarke propped herself up on one elbow and raise an eyebrow at Lexa.

"Do you really need to get up this early?"

"It is when I always rise."

Clarke groaned and moved closer to Lexa, putting her arm across her stomach and snuggling her face into the space between Lexa's neck and shoulder. Lexa shifted so her arm was under Clarke's head. Clarke smiled and bent her knee, draping it over Lexa's hip and thigh. The commander stiffened for a moment, not used to anyone holding her the way Clarke was.

"Just stay a little longer." Clarke breathed against her skin before softly kissing her neck. Lexa made a soft humming noise in the back of her throat before she could stop herself and Clarke smiled.

"Clarke. I can't just lie in bed all day."

"Technically Commander, it's not even day yet."

Clarke's breath was warm in her ear and she found herself running her fingers through the girls golden hair and softly stroking her back. Clarke's breath caught in her throat at the small, unexpected display of affection.

"I suppose you are correct." Lexa whispered "Go back to sleep, Clarke."

"You'll stay?"

"Yes. I can not promise I will sleep, but I will stay."

"Thank you Commander."

"Lexa."

"What…" Clarke's confusion was clear in her voice as she rose up on her elbow to give Lexa a questioning look.

"You only call me Commander when you are mad at me, mocking me, arguing with me or putting on a show of respect. I want none of that when we are sharing a bed."

"I'm sorry…I…"

"You do not need to be sorry, but this…when it is just you and I…there is no need for you to call me commander."

Lexa's voice was soft, as were her eyes when Clarke met her gaze. Clarke nodded slowly and Lexa smiled as she learned forward and kissed Clarke softly. Clarke sighed when the kiss ended but she curled back in to Lexa's side, amazed at how safe and happy she felt.

"A girl could get used to walking up next to you." She murmured while running her hand over Lexa's stomach. The words left her mouth before she really thought about what she was implying.

Lexa smiled and ran her fingers up and down Clarke's arm slowly, knowing it would put the other girl back to sleep.

"You can wake up to me as often as you'd like, Clarke." She replied quietly as she felt Clarke relaxing against her.

"Careful what you offer, I might take you up on it." Clarke mumbled.

"I do not say things that I do not mean."

"Good, because neither do I." Clarke's reply was muffled by a yawn and a few minutes later she drifted back to sleep

* * *

Clarke wasn't sure how long she slept, but the next time she woke up the sky was just starting to turn light and Lexa wasn't lying next to her. She had a moment of irrational panic and she sat up quickly.

"Out here." She heard Lexa call from out on the balcony. She smiled as she stood up, wrapping on of the furs on the bed around her shoulders as she walked outside.

She stopped in the doorway for a moment. Lexa was standing facing away from her, leaning both hands against the railing and looking out over Polis. The sun was just starting to rise and soon the city would be bathed in light and busy, but for now it was calm and quiet.

Clarke walked up behind Lexa and wrapped her arms around the commander's waist, learning against her and resting her cheek on the back of her shoulder.

"Morning." She mumbled.

Lexa tensed at the unexpected intimacy Clarke's embrace. Her first instinct was to move away, but in the next breath she felt herself relax into the other girl and sigh. It had been a long time since anyone had made her feel the way Clarke made her feel. Then again, it had been a long time since she'd felt anything for anyone.

Clarke noticed Lexa's tension and was about to step away when she felt the other girl relax. She worried that she had overstepped her boundaries, but the action had come without thinking. Being around Lexa, when she wasn't the commander, was starting to feel more and more natural and she wasn't sure what to make of it.

"Good morning Clarke."

"So, what happens now?"

"Indra still has an army guarding Arkadia. It won't be necessary much longer once Roan gets back to Azgeda. We will go to Arkadia with the body of the ice queen to show them that the threat is gone, then her body will be returned to Azgeda and we will continue talks of peace."

Lexa felt Clarke's whole body tense at the mention of returning to Arkadia. She knew the girl had been away from her people for months and got the feeling she wasn't quite ready to return.

Clarke let her arms drop from around Lexa's waist and she moved to the other side of the balcony and leaned against the rail. She wasn't sure she was ready to go back to Arkadia. She had been gone for so long and judging from the look on Bellamy's face during their brief encounter after the summit, she wasn't sure everyone wanted her back.

"What is it Clarke?" Lexa asked from where she still stood, wanting to give Clarke space if it was what she wanted.

"I just don't know if I'm ready to go back. I left for a reason."

"It's not like you to run away when things get hard."

"I just…I couldn't be there. I couldn't look at them every day, happy and safe, without being reminded of everything I did to get them there…and I don't know if I can now either…I'm assuming some of them hate me for leaving. I guess I don't blame them."

Clarke's answer was barely above a whisper. Lexa looked over and noticed a few tears roll down her face. She pressed her lips together in thought; she wasn't sure how to comfort Clarke, or if she even should. She was part of the pain the other girl was feeling.

Clarke turned away from Lexa and looked out over Polis. She knew the commander felt emotions were weakness and she didn't want the other girl to see her fall apart. She thought she had started to move past her feelings about Mount Weather, but the stress of the battle the previous day coupled with the thought of going back to Arkadia brought everything back to the surface and she couldn't stop the tears from coming.

Lexa made no move towards Clarke until she saw the sky girl's shoulders shaking from her silent sobbing. She moved behind Clarke and wrapped her arms around her waist, pulling her back against her chest, mimicking their embrace from moments before. She expected Clarke to pull away and be angry with her so she was shocked when Clarke let out a shaky sob before turning in her arms and burying her face in Lexa's chest.

"I'm sorry…" Lexa whispered as she held Clarke tighter, her hand moving slowly up and down her back "I'm so sorry."

"I know." Clarke forced the words out around another sob. A small part of her couldn't believe she was accepting comfort from Lexa, but she was so tired of carrying everything alone.

"I shouldn't have left you…"

Clarke shook her head and took a deep breath to steady herself; there was no use going through everything over and over. She leaned back in Lexa's arms and was surprised to see a storm of emotions in her green eyes.

"It's over. Nothing is going to change what happened. I'll be okay eventually, the thought of going back is just…I don't know how face them. Besides, you're here now."

"We'll face them together. I won't leave you again."

"I can't ask you to do that. I left them, I have to face them."

"You're not asking. You don't have to do it alone."

Clarke swallowed hard to keep a new wave of tears in check and a look of confusion crossed Lexa's face.

"Did I saw something wrong? I just-"

"Shhhh, no. You didn't say anything wrong. Thank you."

Clarke put her hand behind Lexa's neck and pulled her into a kiss. Lexa kissed her back, her hands moving to Clarke's hips and gripping them as she pushed her back into the railing. Clarke moaned and wrapped her other hand around Lexa's waist, possessively pulling her closer. Lexa pulled back and laughed softly and Clarke's sudden aggressiveness. Clarke smiled and tangled her fingers in Lexa's hair.

"Mine." She whispered before kissing Lexa again. Lexa slowly slipped her hands under Clarke's shirt and ran them up over her ribs. Clarke's whole body shuddered in response to her touch and Lexa laughed again.

"Are you sure about that?" She whispered in Clarke's ear before kissing down the side of her neck, smiling at the goosebumps that appeared as she went.

"Dammit Lexa." Clarke hissed; she both hated and loved the lack of control she had over her reactions to the other girl.

The sound of Titus clearing his throat from the doorway almost made Clarke jump out of her skin.

"Excuse me, Heda."

Clarke tried to move away from Lexa but Lexa grabbed her hand and held it. She shook her head no before turning to face Titus.

"Yes Titus?"

"I'm sorry, I tried knocking but there was no reply. You weren't in your room, the guards informed me you were here."

"I can sleep where I please Titus, and with whom I please."

Clarke's face burned red when Titus gave her a slightly surprised once over before turning back to Lexa.

"Of course Heda."

"What is it that you need Titus?"

"The body of the Ice Queen has been prepared for travel. Do you wish to leave soon?"

"Yes, please get my horse ready. And one for Clarke as well."

"Yes Heda."

Titus turned sharply to leave and Clarke let out a huge sigh as soon as he was out of the door.

"He hates me."

"He hates change. It is his job to protect and teach me as Commander. Matters of the heart are not his concern, though he likes to think they are."

"He still hates me."

"Maybe so, but I do not take his council in all things."

"So we're leaving soon? To Arkadia?"

"Yes. There is no reason to put it off. I'll be with you." Lexa squeezed Clarke's hand and smiled. For the first time in a long time the thought of facing everyone again didn't seem so overwhelming.

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

To everyone who favorites and subscribes to updates, thank you so much! If you're still reading, thank you again. Reviews = love and make my little writer heart happy.

If you want to follow me on instagram, I'm - more than just surviving (all run together with a period between each word because fanfic won't let me post it the right way) come say hi, I don't bite...often.


	4. Chapter 4

Later that morning Clarke and Lexa rode towards Arkadia surrounded by guards. Nia's body was on a wagon behind them, followed by more guards.

Lexa looked over at Clarke and could tell she was lost in thought.

"Thinking about home?" She asked quietly.

"Thinking about whether Arkadia is home. When I left it had a different name. I was different."

"You left a hero to your people. And you return one. The mountain slayer returns with the body of the ice queen. You bring them justice."

Clarke could tell Lexa was trying to make her feel better and less anxious about returning to her people. She smiled.

"You bring them justice."

Lexa hesitated for a moment, then smiled.

"We bring them peace."

Clarke was surprised to see the smile on Lexa's face. As commander, she rarely showed any emotion. They rode in comfortable silence but it didn't last long.

"Heda!"

The yell came from one of the front guards as he came to the top of a small hill. Clarke and Lexa were right behind him and they stopped their horses and stared in shock at the horror in front of them.

In the valley where Indra's army should have been laid the aftermath of what looked like a massacre. Bodies were strewn everywhere, and from what Clarke could see, there were no survivors. A mixed look of anger and confusion crossed Lexa's face as she dismounted from her horse. Clarke followed and they walked through the bodies carefully, the guards moving with them.

Clarke shook her head in disbelief.

"All bullet wounds…"

Lexa shook her head and was about to speak when a guard yelled from further ahead.

"Heda! Come quick!"

Lexa sheathed her sword and ran towards the guard, Clarke close behind. They reached where he was kneeling next to Indra.

"Indra!" Lexa called as she reached the warrior.

"Heda…" Indra groaned, leaning towards Lexa then falling back to the ground, groaning in pain.

Clarke dropped to her knees next to Indra and moved her shoulder armor to find a bullet wound with blood pouring out of it in time with her pulse.

"I need bandages!" Clarke called to the guards.

"Stay away!" Indra gasped "You're one of them!"

"Indra…let her help" Lexa commanded in trigedasleng. "Indra, what happened here?" She asked as a guard handed Clarke a strip of fabric to use as a bandage.

Indra answered, her sentences coming between labored breathing and gasps of pain.

"They attacked while we slept. Our watch was to the north, looking for Azgeda. They killed our archers first. Our infantry couldn't get close. Then they executed the wounded."

Anger crossed Lexa's face as Indra spoke.

"The summit was two days ago. How could Kane do this?" Clarke shook her head and looked back and forth between Indra and Lexa.

"It wasn't Kane. It was Pike."

"How did you escape?" Lexa asked quietly.

"Bellamy."

"Bellamy was with them?" Clarke's voice was cold, confusion clouded her expression. She couldn't believe Bellamy would be involved in something like this. At least, not the Bellamy he'd been when she left.

"He wanted to spare the wounded, but they wouldn't listen. He convinced Pike to let me live, so I could deliver a message"

Clarke looked at Lexa before asking angrily.

"What message?"

"Skaikru rejects the coalition. This is their land now. We can leave, or we can die."

Confusion and disbelief crossed Clarke's face as Indra spoke. She looked at Lexa and watched as the commander struggled with her emotions for a moment before complete anger settled in her eyes.

She stood up and addressed one of the guards, her voice cold.

"Send riders. I call upon the armies of the 12 clans. In a day's time, we lay waste to Arkadia, and everyone within its walls!"

"Yes Heda." The guard jumped into action immediately.

Clarke stood from where she'd been kneeling next to Indra.

"Wait…give me time to fix this."

Clarke stood and turned to leave and Lexa commanded the guards.

"Stop her."

Clarke stopped short as the two guards closest to her pointed their spears at her. She turned back to Lexa, who had walked closer so she was right in front of Clarke.

"What are you doing?"

"I can't let you leave, Clarke."

"So I'm a prisoner now? Just like that?"

Lexa's breathe caught in her throat at the anger in Clarke's eyes. She didn't want to keep Clarke prisoner, she wanted to keep Clarke safe, but she couldn't stay that. She stared into Clarke's eyes before answering, hoping the other girl understood.

"Yes."

"Lexa, let me go to Arkadia…" Clarke's voice was pleading, Lexa's answer was cold.

"No."

"At least let me talk to Kane. We can bring him here." She stepped around Lexa to Indra, kneeling next to her.

"Indra, at the summit, Kane told me he gave you a radio. A way to signal him. Do it…please."

Indra looked from Clarke to Lexa for permission. Lexa nodded once. Clarke heard Indra reach for the radio but she didn't stay. She was too angry at Lexa. She stood up and went to leave but was stopped by guards. She huffed angrily and stormed into the war tent that had been set up as headquarters. She heard Lexa speak to Indra, then the guards.

"Make something to move her on so we can get her into the tent. Until then, no one comes in. Keep post outside."

"Yes Heda."

A few moments later Clarke heard Lexa come through the flap at the front of the tent and walk up behind her. She refused to turn around and look at the commander.

Lexa knew Clarke was angry; it was etched into every line of her body. She stood in silence for a few minutes behind Clarke before speaking.

"You are not my prisoner, Clarke."

"Really? You could have fooled me because that is exactly what this feels like."

Lexa ached to wrap her arms around Clarke and make the hurt in her voice go away. She took a few steps closer so she was standing inches behind Clarke, almost touching her.

"What would you have me say in front of the guards and Indra? That I don't want to send you to Arkadia because I can't keep you safe there? I can only keep you safe if you're with me…"

"And you expect me to just stay with you while you order your armies to kill everyone in Arkadia?"

"No…I don't. That is why I allowed Indra to signal Kane. I don't want to do this Clarke, but you saw what happened out there. I ordered those warriors here to protect Arkadia and they paid with their lives…not in a war. They were slaughtered. By the people they were supposed to protect. That was my call. I sent my people to their death to keep your people safe."

Clarke sighed; she hadn't thought of it that way. The hurt in Lexa's voice was barely evident, but she could hear it and it tore at her heart.

"Our people." She whispered as she turned to face Lexa.

"What?"

"Our people. We made vows to each other. Those dead warriors on that field are my people just as much as the ones in Arkadia are yours. We can fix this."

Clarke closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around Lexa's waist.

"I'm sorry." Clarke whispered into Lexa's hair as she rested her head against the commander's shoulder. Lexa let out a long breath and allowed herself to relax into Clarke's embrace for a moment before stepping back. She laced her fingers between Clarke's so the girl didn't misread her actions.

"It's okay Clarke, but….not here. Not yet."

Clarke nodded and squeezed Lexa's hand before letting go and stepping back to a more acceptable distance. A few minutes later the guards carried Indra into the tent and Clarke got to work tending to her injuries.

A while passed and Clarke was able to get the bleeding to stop. She was saying that they needed something for pain when Octavia walked in the tent looking horrified.

"Octavia? Where's Kane?"

"He sent me." She answered Clarke shortly before moving to kneel next to Indra.

"Indra, thank god."

"How did this happen?" Lexa asked from behind Octavia, the anger heavy in her voice again.

Octavia stood up and faced Lexa, her voice apologetic.

"Kane lost the election to Pike. Everything's different…." Octavia's voice drifted off and she just softly shook her head.

Lexa's anger turned to rage as she spoke, her eyes burning into Clarke's.

"Your people voted for this?"

"No. No, I don't believe that."

Octavia turned to Clarke, her voice and eyes showing the anger she was barely keeping in check.

"How would you know Clarke? You haven't been here."

"Listen to me. The grounder army is gonna be here in less than a day. I need to see Bellamy."

"Bellamy was a part of this. He's with Pike. What makes you think he'll help us." Disgust with her brother's actions practically dripped from Octavia's voice as she spoke.

"He saved Indra's life. If what Octavia's saying is true, then Pike trusts him. If I can get to him, he can get to Pike."

"You can't just walk through the gates, Clarke. You've been living with their enemy. If it were me, I'd kill you on the spot." Lexa challenged, her voice still angry.

Clarke hesitated for a second.

"I can get her in." Octavia nodded at Lexa.

"No…Clarke, they'll kill you."

"Bellamy won't kill me."

"You don't know that. You heard Octavia, he's with Pike."

"He'll listen to me first."

"And then kill you?"

"Lexa…I have to try. You have to let me. We can fix this…please."

Octavia met Indra's eyes behind Clarke's back and raised her eyebrows in confusion at the exchange between Lexa and Clarke. Since when did the commander care so much about Clarke's safety? Indra rolled her eyes in response.

"You can get her in and keep her safe?" Lexa asked Octavia.

"I can get her in and to see Bellamy, alone. After that, I can't make any guarantees."

"I'll come with you."

"Lexa…you can't. They'll kill you on sight for sure." Clarke answered softly. "Please…you have to let me try"

Lexa stopped pacing and looked into Clarke's eyes for a moment before jerkily nodding yes.

"Ok great, let's get moving." Octavia headed towards the door.

"Thank you." Clarke whispered to Lexa before following after Octavia.

Lexa closed her eyes, at war with her emotions and then decided to act on them for once, in case she never saw Clarke again.

"Clarke!"

Clarke and Octavia both stopped and Lexa crossed the distance of the tent in a few steps and pulled Clarke into her arms.

Clarke gasped as Lexa's lips met hers in a soft but passionate kiss. Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa's shoulders and wrapped her hands in the red fabric of her sash as she kissed her back, not caring who saw. Lexa pulled back and rested her forehead against Clarkes, her breathing ragged.

"Stay safe…come back to me." She whispered, her hand coming up to cup Clarke's cheek. Clarke nodded, not trusting her voice at first.

"I will" She whispered after a moment. Lexa nodded and gently pushed her away.

"Go."

Clarke nodded and walked past Octavia who was standing open mouthed at the entrance to the tent. She stared at Lexa and tilted her head as Clarke left the tent.

"A lot has happened. Keep her safe, please."

Octavia didn't trust herself to do anything other than nod as she left the tent.

Lexa turned to find Indra glaring at her. The glare slowly turned into a sad smile.

"Not a word Indra, not now."

"Sha, Heda."

* * *

"What the hell was that?" Octavia demanded as they moved through the woods towards Arkadia.

"A lot has happened."

"Obviously. But…she left us to die at Mount Weather. You leave us and the next time I see you, the commander is kissing you goodbye and telling me to keep you safe? Is that where you've been? With her?"

"No, it's a long story. She had me captured."

"Oh, well that totally makes sense now. What the hell Clarke?"

"We've come to and understanding, okay?"

"You can say that again."

"Octavia! Look…shit happened between Lexa and I, but we've worked through it and we're trying to make things better for everyone."

"You left us Clarke. So forgive me if I'm a little pissed off to find you making out with the queen of the grouders"

"It's not like that. You of all people should understand. And I know I left….I'm sorry. I just needed time…"

"You don't think we all needed time? Jesus Christ Clarke. The only difference is we took the time together and helped each other. We didn't run away."

"I know….I'm sorry-"

"Just forget it. My job is to get you in and out of camp keep you safe. Try not to make my job harder."

They walked for a while in silence until Octavia quietly asked.

"Do you love her?"

"W-What?" The question caught Clarke so off guard she wasn't sure she'd heard Octavia correctly.

"Lexa. Do you love her?"

"I-I don't know…I think so?"

Octavia nodded, seeming content with the answer so Clarke left it alone. It was a question she had been asking herself almost constantly since the summit. She was pretty sure she knew the answer, but it terrified her so she mostly ignored the question.

They finally reached Arkadia and Clarke took a deep breath before following Octavia into the trap door. They snuck into an office and Octavia went to find Bellamy.

Clare paced back and forth uneasily as she waited. She remembered the look of anger on Bellamy's face at the summit and hoped that somewhere in there was the Bellamy she knew at Mount Weather and that she would be able to get through to him.

She heard Octavia's angry voice outside the door before she flung it open, Bellamy standing with her.

"Now I'm done." She snapped at Bellamy before walking out and closing the door.

The anger and hatred on Bellamy's face made Clarkes heart sink.

"Go easy on Octavia. I had to beg her to get me in to camp."

"What are you doing here, Clarke?"

"We need to talk." She whispered, hoping his anger would subside. Instead, he grew more agitated.

"Oh, you've decided that? The mighty Wanheda, who chose the grounders over her own people? Who turned her back on us when we came to rescue you? Now you want to talk?"

His voice grew louder and angrier as he spoke. Clarke lifted her chin and met his stare as she walked around the desk to face him.

"I came to tell you that the Ice Nation has paid a price. Justice has been served for the attack on Mount Weather. I came here to tell you it's over."

"There it is again. Why you get to decide its over?" His voice was still cold. He had crossed his arms in front of his chest and alternated between not looking at her, and angrily glaring directly at her.

"We did our part."

"We?"

"Lexa and I..." the look on his face at the mention of Lexa's name made her hesitate before continuing "The ice queen is dead. The problem was solved and then you let Pike ruin everything."

He uncrossed his arms and finally moved towards her, stopping a few feet in front of her.

"Why are you here, Clarke?"

"Arkadia needs to make things right. Or Lexa and the Twelve Clans will wipe us out."

"Let her try." His voice was still cold and angry and it was starting to make Clarke wonder if she had been wrong about him; wrong to come at all.

"Please tell me that going to war is not what you want."

He looked down at the ground for a moment before looking back at her.

"We've been at war since we landed" He whispered "At least Pike understands that."

"Pike is the problem!" Clarke shook her head in disbelief at the way Bellamy was acting.

"This isn't who you are…."

"You're wrong. This is who I've always been. And I let you and Octavia and Kane convince me that we can trust these people when they've shown over and over who they are! And I won't let anyone else die for that mistake."

Clarke swallowed hard, fighting back tears. She could tell she was losing him.

"Bellamy…I need you. And we don't have much time."

"You need me?"

"Yes. I do. I need the guy who wouldn't let me pull that lever in Mount Weather by myself."

"You left me. You left everyone."

"Bellamy-"

"Enough, Clarke!" He yelled, his voice full of anger and hurt. "You're not in charge here. And that's a good thing because people die when you're in charge. And you were willing to let a bomb drop on my sister. Then you made a deal with Lexa who left us in Mount Weather to die and forced us to kill everyone who helped us. People who trusted me!"

Bellamy's voice cracked as he finished yelling at her, trying to hold back tears. Clarke's mouth fell open as her own tears threatened to escape. She didn't even know who Bellamy was anymore.

"I…I Just – " She broke of crying and Bellamy huffed and turned away from her so she didn't see him start to cry.

Clarke slowly lowered herself into a chair, her mind reeling. She hadn't expected Bellamy to be happy to see her, but she hadn't expected him to be so angry and would have never thought he would be outright cruel.

"I'm sorry…" her whisper was so soft he barely heard her, but he turned to face her anyways. "I'm sorry for leaving." She half smiled through her tears. "But I knew I could, because they had you."

She started to say something else, but changed her mind and just hung her head and cried softly. She heard Bellamy walk over to her but didn't look at him until he had crouched in front of her and taken her hand in his. She was surprised to find tears in his eyes.

"I know we can fix this." She whispered.

He looked at her for a long moment before looking down and whispering.

"I'm sorry too." Clarke smiled, hoping she had gotten through to him. She almost believed that she had until she felt the hand cuff tighten around her wrist as she slapped the other side onto the table leg, locking her there.

She looked at him, shocked.

"Hey…" She looked up at him and the hard, cold look was back in his eyes. He glared at her before turning to walk away.

"No, don't. No…Bellamy!" She yelled, then collapsed into sobs as he closed the door behind him.

She pulled hard at the cuffs a few times but then quite because she knew it was no use. Her mind was reeling with how she was going to get away. No one knew she was here except Octavia and Lexa. If she never came back, she knew Lexa's wrath would be unstoppable.

It wasn't long before Bellamy came back with another guard. He uncuffed her from the table and then cuffed her hands together in front of her without speaking to her and started to drag her down the hallway.

"Pike should be in his quarters." He said to the other guard, his grip on Clarke's elbow was rough.

"Bellamy, you don't have to do this." She pleaded.

"Yes, I do." He answered without looking at her and Clarke knew he wasn't going to change his mind.

"Just let me go!"

"Believe it or not, I am doing this for your own good." He finally turned to look at her as he spoke.

"Believe it or not, I'm doing this for yours!" Octavia came from around the corner and took out the guard that was with Bellamy with a few hits and kicks.

"You can't just hit a guard!" Bellamy scolded.

"I just did. Let her go." Octavia's voice was cold, her eyes angry.

"I can't do that."

Octavia turned towards the sound of radio chatter down the hall.

"They're coming." Clarke announced, her voice pleading. Octavia was her only chance of getting out.

"You should go." Bellamy spoke softly to his sister. Octavia turned to look down the hall again, her mind reeling with how she could get herself and Clarke out of the situation.

Clarke took advantage of the distractions and grabbed the fallen guards electric baton and held it against Bellamy's side. He grunted, then collapsed. Clarke fumbled for his keys.

"Clarke, hurry up!" Octavia warned. Clarke freed herself a few seconds later and followed Octavia at a dead run through the hallways. They ran through a red curtain and Clarke was shocked to see her mom and Kane standing there.

"Mom?"

She ran into Abby's arms and they hugged tightly.

"We know what happened. We know what Pike did. Is there anything we can do to prevent retaliation?"

"Abby, hurry." Kane whispered.

"We came here to give them Pike." Octavia answered.

"He's the duly elected Chancellor. Our people knew what they were voting for. Besides, he has the guards and all the guns. We can't get close to him."

"And that's not the way we do things." Abby added softly.

"Then maybe it's time we changed the way we do things." Octavia added.

An announcement came over the intercom system:

Security Breach, Lockdown commencing

"You two need to go. Now." Kane urged.

"What about Lincoln?" Octavia asked, a hint of panic in her voice.

"You want to help him? Do it from the outside, with this." He pushed a radio into her hands "The range isn't great. Just stay close and wait for me to contact you. Now go."

Octavia nodded and climbed into the opening in the wall. Clarke followed and then turned to Abby.

"Come with me."

"I wish I could." She took Clarke's face in both of her hands and ran her thumbs over her cheeks. "May we meet again."

Clarke nodded through her tears and turned to follow Octavia out of camp. They ran until they were confident they weren't being followed then slowed to a brisk walk.

"Well, that didn't go the way you planned." Octavia commented, her voice heavy with sarcasm.

"No…it didn't. I've never seen Bellamy that angry….and what is going on with Lincoln."

"They've deterred the Grounders. Lincoln is locked in a cell. According to Bellamy it's over a disturbance in the sick bay but I doubt it. I told him we needed to leave…dammit."

"We'll figure something out Octavia."

"You and your grounder girlfriend better figure out something pretty damn soon."

"I'll do my best."

"I hope your best is good enough."

"You and me both."

* * *

Lexa paced the tent restlessly as she waited for Clarke and Octavia to return. It was taking longer than she expected. Her and Indra had been discussing the potential war when a guard came in and announced that Clarke was back.

Relief coursed through Lexa's body when Clarke entered the tent. She could tell from the look on the other girls face that things had not gone well.

"Where's Octavia?" Indra asked.

"She's watching over camp."

"So, tell us Clarke. How does this end? Have you come up with a way to save people yet again?"

"No. Only you can do that. What happened here was an act of war." Lexa slowly paced as she listened to Clarke speak. "Your army was here to help us and my people slaughtered them. You have every right to respond. Every right to wipe us out. Or, you can change the way you do things."

Lexa stopped pacing and faced Clarke, confusion crossing her face.

"Why should she change?" Indra asked "Blood must have blood."

"Really? Because from where I stand, the only way that ends is with everyone dead." Indra glared at Clarke and Clarke held her stare for a moment before turning back to Lexa.

"So what kind of leader do you want to be? The kind who kills every chance she gets because that's your way? Or the kind who shows the world a better way?"

Clarke could see the war raging in Lexa's eyes

"You consider letting a massacre go unavenged, a better way?" Lexa whispered, her voice a cross between curious and angry, but also honestly questioning.

"If it ends this cycle of violence? Yes. If it brings about peace? Yes. Someone has to take the first step; let it be you."

Lexa's eyes never left Clarke's as she spoke. She held her stare for a moment before closing her eyes and turning away. Clarke followed her.

"You say you want peace. That everything you've done was to achieve that. Yet, here we stand, on the brink of another war. A war you could stop."

Lexa's eyes met Clarke's again and they were full of questions that Clarke only wished she could answer. She knew how hard the call for a cease fire would be for Lexa to make; it would have to be a decision made with her heart not her head, and that was not something she did as commander. Clarke just hoped that it was something that could change.

Indra noticed the intense connection between the two women and she leaned forward.

"Commander… you can't seriously be considering this.

Lexa's eyes never left Clarke's.

"I'm not considering it." She hesitated and Clarke's heart sank "I'm doing it."

"Heda, please." Indra begged, sounding panicked.

"Indra, Our people act as if war is easier than peace. If that is so, should we not try and achieve the more difficult goal?"

Clarke could barely stop the smile from spreading across her face as she watched Lexa's demeanor change as she became confident in her decision.

"Polis will not support you. Titus will not-"

"Titus is my subject! They are all my subjects." Lexa's voice quickly changed to the powerful, commanding voice she used when daring someone to challenge her power. "You say they will defy me. Will you defy me?"

"No Heda, I will not."

"Then let it be known, Blood must not have blood."

Clarke sighed and closed her eyes. She opened them to find Lexa's green eyes staring back at her. She smiled softly and nodded.

"We should sleep. Tomorrow morning we will burn the bodies and head back to Polis. It has been a long day for everyone." Lexa declared.

It didn't take long for them to settle into various spaces on the floor to sleep, no one saying a word, each lost in their own thoughts.

* * *

Clarke's sleep was restless; nightmares keeping her from sleeping for very long at all. She wasn't sure how long it had been but the first thing that she noticed when she sat bolt upright gasping for air was that Lexa wasn't in the tent. She stood up and walked outside, hoping the air and quiet would clear her mind.

The guards were still gathering the bodies and preparing them for the funeral pyre. They worked in shifts so only a few were patrolling the perimeter. The acknowledged her with a nod but let her continue on her way. She walked to the edge of the forest and stood with her back against a tree, staring up at the sky.

"Can't sleep?"

Lexa's quiet voice came from her right. She was surprised to find the commander wrapped in a fur, sitting on the ground leaning up against a tree.

"No. You either?"

"No." Clarke nodded, and then shivered as she realized how cold it was outside. Lexa laughed softly.

"What?"

"Just wondering why you would come out into the cold dressed like that with nothing for warmth."

"I wasn't thinking. I just wanted out of the tent…I wanted away for a minute."

"I understand."

They were quiet for a few minutes; each of them lost in their own thoughts but content to be in the others company. Lexa looked up and realized Clarke's whole body had started to tremble.

"Come, sit."

She opened one side of the fur and Clarke moved to sit next to her. Lexa took her wrist and shook her head no as she moved her right leg to the side, indicating for Clarke to sit in front of her. Clarke stepped between her legs and sat down, scooting back until she was leaning against the front of her. Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke, pulling her closer before wrapping the fur around them. She sighed, content to have Clarke in her arms again. Without thinking, she moved Clarke's hair to the side and kissed her neck. Clarke sighed and moved her hands over Lexa's on her stomach.

"Thank you for coming back to me." Lexa whispered in her ear. Clarke nodded and let her head fall back against Lexa's shoulder.

"Why can't it always be this easy?" She wondered out loud.

"Hopefully someday it can be." Clarke nodded again and closed her eyes, tuning out everything but the feeling of Lexa holding her and making soft circles across her stomach with her thumb.

Lexa knew she was in love with Clarke; she was tired of fighting something that felt so right. She wasn't sure if the Sky Girl felt the same way, but she could tell she was starting to win her trust back and that was all that mattered at the moment.

Clarke found herself thinking back on the first time they met. Lexa had been terrifyingly intimidating; but Clarke had remembered that Anya seemed to think she would be open to talks of peace. Never once did she think she would end up wrapped in the Commander's arms.

"You know, I was terrified of you the first day I met you." She whispered.

"You hid it well. You were very bold."

"I had to be. I certainly never thought I'd end up here."

"Hm, me either….but I'm glad you did." The last part of Lexa's response was so soft Clarke barely heard it. She smiled, knowing how hard Lexa was trying.

"The commander has a soft side, who knew."

Lexa smiled and uncurled her hands from around Clarke's waist. She ran her hands up Clarke's sides underneath her shirt, her fingers splayed out and moving delicately over her ribs. Her touch was light, but Clarke's skin felt like it was on fire. Lexa slowly ran her hands back down and let them rest on Clarke's hips, just under the waistband of her pants. She gripped lightly and learned down and kissed Clarke's neck, biting gently on the pulse point, then swirling her tongue across the soft skin. She was rewarded when she felt Clarke's breath hitch and a soft moan escaped her mouth. She pushed back against Lexa and tilted her head to the side, giving the brunette easier access to her neck.

"Only for you Clarke; there is nothing soft about me other than for you." She whispered hotly in Clarke's ear before turning her attention back to her neck and shoulder. Clarke whimpered as Lexa's hands roamed her body underneath her shirt and her mouth worked up and down her neck. She bit down again, rougher this time and Clarke gasped.

"Mine." Lexa growled before running her tongue over the spot she had just bitten. She felt Clarke start to turn in her arms and she grabbed her hips, stopping her. She was enjoying making the other girl squirm. She shifted Clarke in her arms and gave the same attention to the other side of her neck.

"Lexa…" Her name fell from Clarke's lips as a whispered moan.

"Hm?" She hummed against Clarke's skin, making her shiver despite the fact that she was nowhere near cold anymore. Lexa bit her neck again, and then sucked lightly, making Clarke's skin burn in the best way possible.

"Say it." Lexa whispered, her fingers digging in into Clarke's hips. Clarke smiled, knowing what she wanted.

"Control freak." She laughed lightly, and then gasped as Lexa drug her fingernails up her sides, just hard enough to feel good.

"Say it." Her voice was thick with emotion and Clarke shuddered.

"I'm yours." She whispered and Lexa relaxed her hold, allowing Clarke to turn so she was sideways in her arms.

The passion in Clarke's kiss caught Lexa off guard and she moaned into the other girl's mouth. Clarke smiled and moved one arm behind Lexa, pulling her closer. She moved her other hand under Lexa's shirt and ran it up her stomach, stopping just shy of her breasts. Lexa's breathe caught in her throat as the feeling of Clarke's hands running over her skin. No one had ever made her feel the way the sky girl did; not even Costia. It was exhilarating, yet terrifying. Lexa took Clarke's bottom lip between her teeth and tugged gently before resuming their kiss. Clarke lost track of everything except Lexa.

No one had ever made her feel the way Lexa could; like she was home and safe. Emotions suddenly overwhelmed her as the events of the day came rushing back into her mind. She pulled back from the kiss, breathless, and curled herself into Lexa's arms.

Lexa wrapped her arms back around Clarke, pulling her close. She sensed a sudden change in the girl but wasn't sure why.

"Are you ok?" She asked quietly, resting her chin on top of Clarke's head. She felt her nod.

"Right now, I'm more than okay." Lexa smiled and kissed the top of Clarke's head. The blonde yawned.

"But we should go back in the tent."

"I prefer to stay here." Lexa murmured.

"Me too, but I'm probably going to fall asleep."

"Go ahead, you're safe here."

"I know, thank you."

Clarke snuggled closer to Lexa who adjusted the fur around them so Clarke was practically hidden from view. Almost immediately Clarke felt herself drifting off to sleep.

"And don't worry, your secret soft side is safe with me. I don't want to share the girl behind the war paint with anyone. You're mine."

Lexa smiled, and as she did she realized she only ever really smiled when she was around Clarke. She lazily ran her fingers up and down Clarke's arm, knowing it would put her to sleep.

"Yes, I'm yours." Her whispered reply was the last thing Clarke heard before falling in to a deep, dreamless sleep.

* * *

 **Authors Note**

Another long chapter, but I wanted to end it somewhere fluffy. If you are still reading, thank you so much. As always, reviews are love.


	5. Chapter 5

Clarke woke up slowly and it took her a minute to remember where she was. It was just barely turning light outside. At some point during the night they had ended up lying down. Lexa was on her back and Clarke was lying on her stomach, her upper body draped across Lexa's. She started to slowly lift herself up when she felt Lexa's arm tighten across her back.

"Hmm, stay." She mumbled, still half asleep.

"You can't possibly be comfortable."

"Shh, s'fine."

"Lexa…just let me…" She started to move and Lexa whined in protest. Clarke couldn't contain a giggle and Lexa finally opened her eyes slightly to glare at her.

"I'm sorry…I don't think I've ever heard you whine…or even come close to whining." Clarke teased. Lexa huffed and let go of Clarke so she could move. Clarke shifted so she was laying on her side, her head on Lexa's arm. She draped her arm over Lexa's waist.

"See? Better."

"I suppose." Lexa smiled as she absent mindedly ran her fingers through Clarke's hair. Clarke closed her eyes and was almost back to sleep when Lexa spoke.

"We should get moving. We have to have the funeral fires, then head back to Polis and discuss why we are not retaliating for the massacre."

"Back to reality?"

"We must."

"I'd rather stay here."

"As would I. Hopefully soon there will be days where we can do nothing but spend time together; but today is not that day."

"Do you think it will ever be that way?"

"I hope so." Lexa leaned over and kissed Clarke on the temple before extracting herself from the blonde's embrace and standing up. She held out her hand to help Clarke up and then pulled her close and kissed her softly.

"Good Morning." She whispered with a coy smile before folding up the fur they had been sleeping on and heading towards the tent.

"You know, I just realized I slept better last night than I have….since we landed." Clarke observed out loud as she realized she slept through the night without any nightmares or panic attacks.

"I slept well too. Maye we will have to sleep together more often." Clarke blushed bright red and Lexa smiled as she took her hand as they kept walking.

"Lexa, are you sure?" Clarke asked, holding up their joined hands. She knew Lexa didn't like to publically display their relationship, whatever it was.

"Yes. I'm not going to hide this…hide us. I pretty much announced it at the summit, I'm not going to act like nothing is happening. Unless…you want me to?"

"No, no…this is fine."

"Are you sure, because its going to put you in more danger than you are already in. People will potentially target you just to get to me."

"It's a risk I'm willing to take."

"Very well then. Lets go get Indra and begin the funeral fires."

Clarke groaned at the mention of Indra's name. She knew the warrior pretty much hated her and hated the influence and relationship she had with Lexa even more.

"Don't worry, she will get used to it."

"Sure, if she doesn't kill me first."

They passed a few guards on their way back, all of whom bowed their heads to Lexa before shooting knowing looks at Clarke. Lexa noticed her embarrassment and squeezed her hand.

"They will all get used to it. They did with Costia."

"That was different. Costia was one of your people."

"As are you."

"You know what I mean."

"I do, but it is the same. They will get used to it."

Clarke sighed as they walked in the tent. Indra was standing at the table near the door and raised her eyebrows at their joined hands. Clarke tried to let go but Lexa stubbornly refused.

"Good morning Heda…..Clarke."

"Good Morning Indra, how are you feeling?"

"Well enough Heda, thank you."

"Can I check your bandage Indra?" Clarke asked quietly. The question was answered with a stiff nod. Lexa let go of Clarke's hand and let her walk over to Indra.

"I need to go check with the guards to see if we are ready for the funeral fires." She announced before walking out of the tent and leaving Indra and Clarke alone.

"These need to be changed, may I?" she was answered again by another stiff nod.

Clarke worked in silence removing the bandages and cleaning Indra's wound. She crossed the room to get clean bandages and was surprised to find Indra staring at her when she turned around.

"You care for her?" Indra asked, her voice harsh.

"I do…very much so." Clarke swallowed hard, forcing the words around the lump in her throat.

"After everything she's done. Leaving you on the mountain…you truly care for her?"

"Yes."

Indra held Clarke's stare as she crossed the room and began re-wrapping her arm. Clarke knew the warrior doubted her feelings for Lexa, and her intentions at building their relationship.

"I know you don't believe me, and I don't blame you, but…I'd never hurt her, or betray her trust."

"But she has betrayed yours."

"We all have made mistakes."

Indra seemed to accept her answer because she stopped glaring at Clarke like she wished she were dead. Lexa came into the tent just as Clarke finished Indra's bandage.

"They are ready."

Indra nodded solemnly and the three of them made their way out to the field. The sight took Clarke's breath away. There were so many bodies. They had all been wrapped and stacked on wooden platforms, ready to be burned.

Clarke swallowed hard to fight back the tears; all of these people had died because they were sent to protect her people. A guard handed Lexa the torch and Clarke noticed a single tear roll down Indra's cheek. She touched Lexa's arm and nodded towards Indra. The honor of burning the dead was usually reserved for the Commander, but she could only imagine how Indra must feel being the only survivor of an army she was commanding. Lexa picked up on her intentions and held the torch out to Indra.

"Indra, please."

A look of brief shock crossed Indra's face before she took the torch from Lexa's hand. She stood next to the platform and held the torch out.

"Yu gonplei ste odon." Her voice was thick with tears as she lowered the torch and let the first bodies catch fire. Clarke took a shaky breath and whispered,

"In peace may you leave the shore, in love may you find the next. Safe passage on your travels, until our final journey on the ground. May we meet again."

She looked over to see Indra and Lexa both watching her. To her surprised, Indra offered her a tight smile.

They repeated the process at each funeral pyre until they had all been lit. By the time they finished the last one Clarke didn't bother to hide her tears. She leaned against Lexa's side, resting her head on the commander's shoulder. Lexa's hand found hers and they stood, just watching the fires burn.

"I'm sorry." Clarke whispered through her tears.

"This was not your fault."

"The commander is right." Indra replied gently "You did not cause this. You would never want this."

Clarke nodded, not knowing what to say. Indra held her gaze for a moment before turning and walking away, leaving Clarke and Lexa alone."See? I told you she would get used to it."

"So much senseless loss."

"Yes, much of war is senseless. That is why we are going to change things."

"Hopefully."

"We will, Clarke."

"I don't know. I keep trying to change things and make things better, but so far I seem to make things worse and nothing changes. At least not the way I'd like it do."

"You've changed me."

"I have?"

Lexa half smiled and turned so she was standing in front of Clarke. She reached out and wiped the tears off Clarke's face before tucking her hair behind her ear.

"You've made me see that love doesn't always have to be weakness."

Clarke's heart skipped a beat as she realized what Lexa was telling her. She looked down and bit the corner of her bottom lip. She didn't know if she was ready to admit to herself that she was falling in love with Lexa, let alone say it out loud.

"Lexa…I…"

"Shhh. It doesn't require an answer, Clarke."

Clarke nodded and turned to gaze out over the funeral fires again. She could understand why Trikru burned their dead. It was a much more beautiful send off than a burial. Lexa pulled Clarke against her and wrapped her arms around her waist, taking comfort in her presence the way she never allowed herself to with anyone else. She kept her emotions hidden all of the time; it was necessary as the commander, but that didn't mean she didn't feel things. The death of her warriors was always hard for her; Clarke made her feel centered.

They stood in silence for a while before Lexa announced that the needed to get moving. Indra refused to ride on the wagon that had been carrying Nia's body. She also refused to ride double, saying she was a warrior she could ride or walk. Lexa had argued that walking would slow them down and she was in no condition to ride alone but Indra refused.

Lexa finally gave in and said her and Clarke would share a horse.

"Lexa, I can ride on the wagon. It's fine."

"No. You'll be safer with me."

"You were going to let Indra ride on the wagon."

"That is different, Indra is a warrior, she can protect herself."

"I'm not helpless."

"I know that, but you also can't fight."

"Maybe you should teach me then."

"If that is what you desire, I will. But we don't have time today. Get on the horse Clarke."

Clarke huffed and mounted the horse. Lexa swung easily into the saddle behind her and they headed towards Polis.

Lexa wrapped one arm around Clarke's waist and used one hand to guide the horse with the reins. Clarke relaxed and settled back against Lexa. Lexa leaned down and kissed Clarke's neck softly in the spot she knew got the most reaction from the other girl and smiled when Clarke sighed.

"See, this isn't so bad." Lexa whispered. Clarke laughed.

"Was this your plan all along, commander?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Sure you don't."

"I enjoy your company."

"I enjoy yours too."

"Good, because it's not a short ride."

Clarke smiled and shook her head. Lexa continued to surprise her. The ride lapsed in to comfortable silence. Occasionally Clarke noticed Indra watching them, but there was never the look of anger or hate that Clarke had become accustomed to seeing on her face.

Every once in a while Lexa would move her hand to rest it on Clarke's thigh where Clarke would put her hand on top and lace their fingers together; most of the time though Lexa kept her arm around Clarke's waist, holding her close. Clarke didn't mind at all; it helped her feel centered as she let her mind wander to what would happen when they got back to Polis and how the twelve clans would react to blood must not have blood.

* * *

After the ride back to Polis, Lexa and Clarke had gone back to Lexa's room. Lexa had fallen asleep reading and Clarke was sitting in an arm chair drawing her. She loved how peaceful she looked when she slept, though she figured Lexa probably wouldn't be very happy with being drawn in such a vulnerable state.

Lexa started to stir in her sleep and Clarke ignored it until Lexa sat straight up, gasping and looking panicked. Clarke quickly moved next to her on the sofa.

"Hey, hey. It's okay. You're okay."

She spoke softly and put her hand on Lexa's thigh. Lexa took a few shaky breaths and put her head in her hands. Clarke squeezed her leg.

"What were you dreaming about?" Lexa still looked panicked and she was trying to get her to calm down.

"The Commanders before me…they speak to me in my sleep." Her breathing was still ragged and she looked scared. Clarke waited. "I saw their deaths at war….at the hands of an assassin."

"It was just a nightmare."

"No…..no, it's a warning. They think I'm betraying their legacy." Lexa turned and looked at Clarke, her face twisted with torn emotions. "Jus Drein Jus Daun has always, always been the way of our people." Her voice had dropped to a whisper and Clarke could tell how much the dream, or whatever it was, had affected her.

"Listen to me. A ceasefire is not a betrayal. What you did on that battlefield stopped a war. Your legacy will be peace."

Lexa looked at Clarke for a moment, considering her words, before standing up. She picked up the book that had been flung to the floor in her panic and walked towards the chair Clarke had been sitting in. She saw the drawing and reached to pick it up.

"Oh….umm…that's not finished yet." Clarke stammered as Lexa looked at the drawing then up at her. Clarke tried to judge Lexa's reaction but couldn't tell what the other girl was thinking. She was about to ask when there was a knock at the door.

"Enter." Lexa answered.

Titus opened the door and annoyance flashed in his eyes when he saw Clarke.

"Pardon me Heda, I didn't know you were busy."

Clarke had put away her drawing and moved to stand beside Lexa as two of the guards carried in a fairly large box and sat it behind Titus. He continued to just stare at Clarke until Lexa intervened, annoyed.

"Are you going to tell me what's in the box or not?"

"Forgive me. This is a gift from King Roan of Azgeda for Wanheda. The messenger said this is both proof of Azgeda's loyalty to the coalition, and an answer to a yet unanswered question. May I?"

Lexa nodded and the two guards opened the box and Clarke walked slowly closer, curiosity getting the better of her. The box opened to reveal a man, bloody, bound and gagged. It took Clarke a second to recognize him, but when she did her blood ran cold.

"Emerson?"

No sooner had his name left her lips he started growling and grunting as he flung himself at her. He grabbed her around her lower legs, taking her down to the ground and then flung himself on top of her. She immediately heard Lexa commanding the guards.

"Stop him! Get him out of here! Put him in a cage, now!"

Lexa crouched down protectively next to Clarke as the guards dragged Emerson out of the room; he was still growling and sounded more animal than human. Clark squeezed Lexa's arm and got up.

"I'm fine" She assured her.

"I have to go deal with him, and figure out what the hell is going on. Wait here?"

Clarke nodded and went to sit on the couch as Lexa and Titus left. It wasn't long before a guard came to let her know Lexa wanted her in the throne room.

Titus and Lexa were standing up by the throne having a whispered argument. Clarke could only hear parts of what Titus said, something about clouding judgment and being too personal; she assumed they were talking about her and it irritated her.

"You wanted to see me, Commander?"

"Yes." Lexa stepped down from the throne to stand in front of her. Clarke could tell by the tone in her voice and her body language that is was all Commander she was dealing with.

"We need to discuss the fate of the last mountain man."

"I believe he deserves death." Titus announced loudly from where he stood. Lexa turned towards him, short and angry.

"She can speak for herself, Titus."

Lexa turned back to Clarke. Clarke hesitated for a moment and swallowed hard before speaking.

"Titus is right."

For a moment, she saw hurt and confusion in Lexa's eyes before the commander recovered and all emotions were gone. Titus looked shocked.

"You see? It is human nature to need vengeance. Only once satiated, can there be peace That is our way."

He had moved to stand beside them and Clarke looked sideways at him before turning her attention back to Lexa.

"That was our way!" She practically yelled at Titus before facing Clarke again, her eyes full of questions.

"Clarke?"

Clarke couldn't find the words and Lexa could tell.

"So blood must not have blood only applies when it is my people who bleed?" Her voice was soft, but cold and empty.

Clarke could tell she had hurt the other girl and it was killing her.

"That was about stopping a war. This is about finishing one." Lexa cocked her head, unconvinced. Clarke continued, "I'm sorry, but if you want my advice I agree with Titus. He deserves to die for what he did."

"I'm not looking for advice. I'm looking for a decision." The coldness in her voice gave Clarke the chills; she hadn't spoken to her in that tone in a long time.

"He was gifted to you. The crime he stands charged with is against your people." Titus explained. Clarke sighed.

"So what will it be then, Clarke? Banishment from our lands forever? Or death by 49 cuts from your hand? You have until sundown to decide."

Lexa stepped around Clarke and walked out of the room without a backwards glance. Clarke fought the urge to follow her and try to fix things; she knew Lexa didn't want to see her right then.

She instead headed to her room, the decision she had to make weighing heavily on her mind.

* * *

Clarke waited in her room for a few hours before heading to Lexa's room. She was aware she might be turned away, but she had to talk to the other girl. She had stopped knocking before entering a while ago, but it felt wrong so she stopped and knocked.

"Enter."

Clarke walked in and closed the door quietly behind her. Lexa was standing looking out the balcony. She turned towards Clarke, her face unreadable.

"Have you made your decision?"

"No…not yet."

"Then why have you come?" Lexa's voice was emotionless and she could tell how much it was hurting Clarke, but she felt like Clarke's initial reaction to kill the mountain man was a betrayal to everything they had been working towards.

Clarke sighed. She knew Lexa was upset, but she hadn't judged how deeply. The softer side of the commander that she had been falling in love with was gone. She was cold and distant.

"Lexa…please…" Clarke whispered.

"Please what, Clarke? How do you expect me to feel? What do you expect me to think? My entire army was slaughtered by your people and you ask me to do nothing to retaliate. You say that blood does not need blood; that violence does not have to answer violence if it is in the name of peace. Then you are offered a chance at vengeance; a chance to make someone pay for what has happened to your people, and you want to take it?"

Lexa walked closer as she spoke until she was standing a few feet in front of Clarke. Her eyes shone with anger as she continued.

"How am I supposed to explain that to my people? That we are not seeking vengeance or any kind of justice for that army, but you….you are going to kill this man for what he did to your people? How is that fair? How are they supposed to accept that and see Skaikru as the 13th clan who is treated equally?"

"I….I don't know."

"I don't either, but that choice is yours. I just hope you make the right one."

"How do I know what that is? How can I just…let him go, knowing what he did? He knew about the self-destruct mechanism. He is the reason so many more of my people died in that mountain. We know it was him. Why should he not be punished?"

"Just like we know it was Skaikru who slaughtered that army. Why should they not be punished?"

"This is one person. One person we know was guilty. Wiping out all of Skaikru for the mistakes of a few is not the same."

"Skaikru chose the leader that made the call to slaughter that army. They could all meet the same fate."

"It's not the same."

"But it is, Clarke. The decision is the same. And it is yours to make."

Clarke took a deep, shaky breath and started to cry; it was a quiet crying but the tears rolled down her cheeks as she looked at Lexa.

"I….I don't know how….I can't…"

Lexa felt herself softening towards the sky girl. What she initially felt was a personal betrayal she now saw was something Clarke was seriously struggling with; it was a feeling she was very familiar with. She stepped forward and took Clarke's hands in hers.

"Yes. You can. And you will." She reached forward and brushed a tear off Clarke's cheek and could see the girl visibly relax.

"You're using your heart too much Clarke. Decisions made as a leader must be made using your head. You have to put your emotions aside, or at least find a way to balance them."

Clarke nodded and was relieved Lexa didn't seem to be as upset with her as she was when she walked in. She could see on her face that some of the walls had come back down and she was starting to act more like Lexa again.

"He was gifted to me, can I gift him to you? I don't want him." Clarke half joked, trying to further break the tension. Lexa softly shook her head.

"No Clarke, it is your decision to make. You must find a way to make it, and to be okay with whatever choice you make."

"Can I see him?"

"The mountain man?"

"Yes…I want to speak with him."

"Why?"

"I don't know. I'm just looking for a way to be sure I'm making the right decision."

"We can never be sure our decisions are right. There are unforeseen consequences to every choice. But if that is what you feel you need, then yes, you may see him."

Clarke squeezed Lexa's hands and pulled her closer.

"Thank you…please don't hate me. I can't….I can't handle when you're cold like that with me. Not now that I know it can be different."

"I don't hate you Clarke," She leaned forward and kissed Clarke gently. Clarke sighed into the kiss, relieved that Lexa was being herself again. "But I need to know that you are going to make the best decisions for our people, and for our eventual peace. Go, see the mountain man. I hope he can tell you something that will make the decision easier for you. We will meet at sundown."

Clarke nodded and left to go see Emerson. She wasn't sure what she was going to say, but she hoped something helped her to make the right decision because so far, nothing felt right at all.

* * *

Clarke stopped outside the doors to the throne room and took a deep breath. She knew she had to get a grip on her emotions before going in to see Emerson. Lexa was right, she had too much of her heart in this and she needed to step back emotionally if she was every going to have a chance at figuring out what the right choice was; if there even was a right choice.

The guards let her pass as she confidently strode into the room and walked up to where they had Emerson secured. He was chained to a post that was secured to a metal plate. His arms were secured behind him, his feet where chained and there was a restraint around his neck and a shroud covering his face.

"Give us a minute." Clarke directed the guards that were stationed behind him on either side of the throne. They nodded and left the room.

Clarke pulled the shroud off Emerson's head and was met with a stare filled with hate and anger.

"Carl Emerson, Mount Weather Security Detail." Clarke's voice was calm and cold as she held his stare.

"I've heard what they call you now. Wanheda; commander of death." Carl's voice was raspy, his breathing rough.

"I should've known it was you who told them how to destroy the mountain."

"I didn't destroy Mount Weather. You did. Three hundred and eighty one people. One hundred and eighty two men, one hundred and seventy three women, twenty six children. Two of them were mine."

Clarke's heart sank as he recounted the number of people she had killed. It still tore her apart inside. Her gaze dropped to the floor as her emotions threatened to take over; then she remembered everything she'd gone through that had forced her into making the decision to kill everyone in the mountain and she lifted her eyes and met Emerson's stare again, her voice angry.

"Your president gave us no choice."

Emerson half growled, half screamed as he lunged against his restraints at her. Clarke held her ground, appearing un-phased on the outside. Emerson laughed.

"What's the matter? You don't like to be faced with your demons?"

Anger flashed in Clarke's eyes and she leaned forward, speaking in a low whisper.

"If you want mercy, you're gonna have to ask me for it."

Emerson laughed again, sounding slightly insane as he shook his head.

"I don't want mercy. I want revenge. I want you to suffer the same way that I've suffered." Clarke shook her head and spun away from him, the guards opened the doors for her as she strode out of the throne room. Emerson yelled after her.

"You can kill me Clarke! But you can never escape what you did! My pain ends today. Yours has just begun!"

Clarke's first instinct was to head back to Lexa's room but she decided to go to her own instead, she hoped some time alone would help her settle the mess that were her emotions.

She opened the door and was surprised to find Titus standing in the seating area.

"Titus…what are you doing in my room?" She doubted the flamekeeper would hurt her, but she knew he did not like her, nor did he approve of her relationship with Lexa. His presence always made her uneasy, especially if Lexa wasn't around.

"You spend so much time talking about peace. I think it's time we made peace with each other, don't you?"

"All right." Clarke gestured for him to sit in the chair, she sat in one facing him.

"I appreciate the predicament you're in Clarke, I do. After convincing Lexa not to avenge the massacre of our army, it must be hard for you to choose to take your own revenge. Perhaps now you realize how difficult this new policy will be for our people to accept."

"This has nothing to do with what happened to your army. Emerson is guilty. Wiping out my people for the crimes of a few is not justice."

"Did you not wipe out his people for what a few of them did to yours?"

Clarke took a breath and opened her mouth to answer but realized she didn't have one. Titus continued.

"You're a leader, Clarke. Lexa listens to you. Help me to protect her. Blood must not have blood is folly. Our people will not accept it and I fear…I fear it will get her killed."

Clarke sadly shook her head.

"I can't help you do something that leads to war against my people. Lexa and I…we can fix this."

Titus was silent, but the look of contempt on his face spoke volumes. He held Clarke's stare for a moment before standing up.

"Then we are at an impasse." He bowed his head at her and quietly walked out of the room. Clarke sighed and leaned back in the chair. No decision seemed to be the right one.

Emerson was guilty and Clarke's first instinct was that he needed to die. He needed to pay for what happened at Mount Weather. She knew if that was the choice she made, Lexa would never trust her, but beyond that blood must not have blood would never work. The clans would see it as unfair that the massacred army got no justice but the Skaikru people who were killed in the mountain did. After everything that had happened at Mount Weather, she wasn't sure she could just let Emerson walk away.

She hastily wiped at the tears that were forming in her eyes. She was so sick of everything. She was tired of being in charge and making decisions and trying to figure out what was right when the reality was that nothing was right. She found herself wishing for the time she had spent in the woods, blissfully alone, when the only person her decisions had affected was herself. In the same thought she realized that wasn't really true. Even then her decisions had affected her people.

She found herself wanting to be with Lexa, which somewhat frustrated her. It was new and she still wasn't sure what to do with all of the emotions. She thought that making Skaikru the 13th clan would be a big start to moving things in the right direction and finally finding peace. Then Pike had been elected chancellor and everything seemed to just be getting worse. Despite all of that, her feelings for Lexa just kept getting stronger. It was the one thing that even came close to making sense in all of the upheaval that her life was in, so she decided not to fight it.

She stopped at Lexa's door and knocked again, not a hundred percent sure that she would be welcome to just walk in. Lexa opened the door and looked confused but stepped aside to let Clarke in.

Clarke walked over and sat on the couch as Lexa closed the door.

"Did you talk to the mountain man?"

"Yes."

"Did it help?"

"Not really. I talked to Titus too, that didn't help either."

"Titus?"

"Yes, he was in my room. He's afraid I'm going to get you killed if we continue with blood must not have blood."

"I told you, he does not like change. But he should not have been in your room, or having that discussion with you. It is none of his business. I will speak to him."

"Please don't. He was only doing it because he cares for you and is worried. He already hates me enough…"

"His feelings towards you have nothing to do with mine." Lexa said softly as she sat down on the couch next to Clarke. "But if you don't wish me to speak to him, I won't."

"Thank you."

"Have you made a decision?"

Clarke swallowed hard and shook her head.

"I can't…I'm so angry at him. I want him to die. I really do. What he did…what his president made me do…he deserves to die. But I know if I choose to kill him, I'm contradicting everything I've asked of you, everything I've asked your people to see…"

"You can't make this decision for me, Clarke. It has to come from you."

"And if I don't know what I want? If I want both? I want to kill him, and banish him?"

"Both is not an option. If it were, none of this would be so hard."

"Yea, I know."

"You still have a few hours."

"Can I stay here?"

"I can't help you make the choice Clarke."

"I know, I'm not asking you to. I just don't want to be alone."

Lexa nodded and to Clarke's surprise, put her arm around Clarke's shoulders, pulling her close. Clarke went willingly into Lexa's embrace and curled herself into the other girl's side. She wrapped one arm around Lexa's waist and close her eyes.

"Thank you." She whispered.

Lexa sighed and ran her hand up and down Clarke's arm. After a few minutes she felt Clarke drift off to sleep. She was glad; she knew Clarke had to be exhausted. It had been a rough few days and aside from the few hours of sleep they got in the forest outside of the tent, they hadn't had much rest. She imagined it was part of why Clarke's emotions were getting the better of her when it came to the decision concerning Emerson. She hoped rest would help clear the sky girls mind.

* * *

A few hours later, once the sun had set, Lexa gently shook Clarke to wake her up. Clarke mumbled something incoherent and tightened her arm around Lexa's waist.

"Clarke…wake up. The sun has set, it is time."

Clarke opened her eyes, confused at where she was for a minute before sitting straight up.

"Shit! I didn't mean to fall asleep. I'm sorry."

"It is fine. You needed the rest."

"Did you…just sit with me the whole time?"

Lexa pressed her lips together in a straight line and glanced down at the floor before looked back at Clarke and nodding; Clarke could have sworn she was blushing a little too. Clarke smiled and leaned forward to kiss Lexa softly. She was surprised when Lexa slid her hand around the back of her shoulders, pulling her closer. Her fingers wove into the hair at the base of Clarke's neck; her tongue running over Clarke's bottom lip. Clarke moaned as she opened her mouth and their tongues met, softly at first then deeper until Lexa pulled back, breathless.

Clarke kissed the side of Lexa's neck, slowly working her way up to where her jawline met her ear, then back down, her tongue leaving a trail that Lexa swore she could feel burning into her skin. Her whole body shivered when Clarke ran her tongue along her collar bone and she could feel Clarke smile into her skin as she placed a few light kisses in the same place. Lexa's heart swelled and she hoped Clarke made the right decision, because she wasn't sure what she would do otherwise and she knew she didn't want to give this up.

"Clarke…"

"I know…" Clarke kissed the side of Lexa's neck one more time and was shocked to see the raw emotion in Lexa's stare as they both stood up. Something inside Clarke clicked and she suddenly realized that she had to let Emerson go. Killing him would never take away the guilt she felt for what happened at Mount Weather. It could never make things right again and would only make everything that was currently happening worse and she couldn't live with that. She had enough demons she had to live with because of the choices she had made; she didn't want to have to live with one more.

"You should go to the throne room. Everyone should be there by now. I will be there shortly once I am dressed and we can deal with the last Mountain Man."

Clarke nodded and started to walk away but Lexa grabbed her wrist.

"Clarke…whatever choice you make, it has to come from your heart or you will never be able to live with it. Do you understand that?"

"Sha, Heda. Thank you."

Lexa nodded and watched as Clarke confidently walked out of the room. She only hoped the girl was that confident in whatever decision she was going to make. She also hoped that decision didn't start a war

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

If you're still reading, thank you so much. I promise this will veer away from the show more and become more its own story as it goes on. Reviews are always appreciated.


	6. Chapter 6

Clarke stood in the throne room with the ambassadors from the clans and other witnesses filled the room to watch Emerson's fate be decided. Emerson still stood where he had earlier, restrained but his head was uncovered.

Drums were playing loudly as the doors were opened and Lexa walked in, flanked by more guards. Her face was its typical expressionless mask, her body language spoke of her power as she walked past Emerson, maintaining eye contact even as she passed him. It gave Clarke the chills to watch her.

She stepped up in front of her throne, Titus standing on the opposite side, faced the crowd and held up one hand. The drumming ceased immediately and she addressed everyone in the room.

"We come together tonight as we have countless times before to watch a man die."

She paused for a moment and all eyes turned to Emerson who shifted uncomfortably but otherwise had little reaction.

"Wanheda." Lexa addressed Clarke as she unsheathed the dagger on her thigh, and handed it to a guard who moved to stand next to Emerson and held it out for Clarke.

"Vengeance is yours." Lexa continued, her voice cold and her eyes never leaving Clarke. Clarke held Lexa's stare for a moment before walking to stand in front of Emerson, facing the guard who held the dagger. She had already made up her mind, but she hesitated for a moment, tempted by the fact that she had the ability to take Emerson's life if she wanted to. It was being handed to her and he could do nothing to fight back or escape; but she knew it was the wrong answer and she already had so many deaths on her hands that she didn't know how she would ever come to terms with them. She did not want to add even one more. She closed her eyes briefly before turning and facing the crowd.

"No." To her surprise, her voice came out clear and powerful.

Anger clouded Titus's face as he turned to Lexa. Lexa still hadn't looked away from Clarke and there was just a slight look of pride in her eyes as the crowd began to murmur and talk amongst themselves; confused as to what just took place. Clarke turned to face Emerson.

"I don't know if your death would bring me peace, I just know I don't deserve it." She spoke softly to him.

Titus strode angrily down the stairs and stopped next to Clarke.

"This man must die! If Skaikru will not take his life, then Heda will!" His statement ended in an angry yell, which Lexa countered.

"Heda will speak for herself. Enough, Titus."

"What the hell is this?" Emerson whispered to Clarke.

"I wouldn't be killing you for what you've done. I'd be killing you for what I've done."

Emerson lifted his chin and stared at her. Clarke returned the stare as she raised her voice, addressing the crowd in Trigedasleng.

"I give this man his life. Blood must not have blood." She turned her stare to Titus as she made the last statement and the anger and hatred on his face almost took her breath away.

Emerson started growling and screaming at Clarke as he lunged against the restraints. The chattering amongst the crowd got louder until Lexa spoke, silencing them all.

"Silence! The crimes of the mountain can not be answered by one man. Wanheda knows this. Her actions show us a promise for a new future. A world in which violence does not always answer violence. A world in which our children can flourish without the shadow of death."

She paused and looked around at the crowed, letting the weight of her message and the change it promised sink in. Slowly the murmuring stopped and Lexa turned to look at Clarke. Clarke nodded once, hardly able to keep the tears out of her eyes; it felt like something was finally going right.

"This prisoner is banished from my lands. He will live, but he will live with the ghosts of those he has lost. Haunted until the end of his days by the knowledge that he is the last of his kind.

Clarke faced Emerson again as his breathing became ragged. Clarke stepped forward until the distance between them was only a few inches.

"May you live forever."

She held his stare for a minute and was vaguely aware of the look of contempt that Titus was giving her from off to the side, but she didn't care. She finally turned on her heel and left the throne room. The guards parted and opened the doors for her as she passed. She heard them following her down the hallway and before she really realized where she was going, she ended up in Lexa's room. They closed the door behind her and she could see them step in front of the doors, protecting her the same way they would Lexa. She tried to remember when that had become normal but she couldn't.

She paced back and forth in front of the sofa, unable to quiet her mind. All she could think of was whether or not she had made the right choice. It felt right, but she kept trying to figure out what the ramifications were going to be with the 12 clans.

She was still pacing when Lexa entered her room a little while later. The doors closed and she started to remove the long coat she wore as commander. She let it drop on the floor near the door and crossed the room to Clarke, stepping in front of her to stop her pacing. Clarke stopped in front of Lexa but kept her gaze fixed on the floor.

Lexa took both of Clarke's hands in her own and pulled her closer, wrapping one arm around her waist and putting her other hand behind her neck as she kissed her briefly before pulling back and letting her forehead rest on the other girls. Clarke met her gaze, asking a thousand questions without speaking.

"Thank you." Lexa whispered.

"I didn't do it for you…."

"I know you didn't, but you proved your loyalty to me tonight…the people will see that. I see that. And I know how hard it was for you. Had you chosen to take his life, blood must not have blood would have always been seen as a joke and a lie told by Skaikru when it was convenient to save their own people."

Clarke softly shook her head and stepped back, pulling her hands out of Lexa's.

"I didn't even think of it that way…I wasn't trying to prove anything to you. I just…I did what ended up feeling like it was the right choice….the choice I could live with the easiest. I have enough demons that keep me up at night. I didn't need any more…"

Clarke turned and walked out on the balcony and stood staring out at Polis and the land in the distance. She heard Lexa walk up behind her before she started speaking.

"I know you weren't trying to prove anything to me….I hoped that wouldn't be a factor in your decision and the fact that it wasn't makes it mean that much more."

Her voice was barely above a whisper as she moved closer to Clarke and wrapped her arms around the girl's waist. Clarke sighed and leaned in to Lexa's embrace. As she did she could feel the adrenaline and stress of the past few days start to subside and she was all of a sudden exhausted.

"Come to bed. The past few days have been rough, I know you are exhausted."

"I doubt I'll be able to sleep."

"Stay here, with me. Let me fight the demons for once."

Clarke nodded, not trusting herself to speak. Lexa let go of her waist, took her by one hand and led her into the bedroom. Clarke took off her boots while Lexa dug through a drawer and handed Clarke a nightgown.

Lexa went into the next room to change and unbraid her hair. By the time she got back Clake was already in bed curled on her side in the middle of all of the furs. Lexa smiled at how comfortable she looked and how right it felt to be crawling into bed next to her.

Clarke felt Lexa crawl into bed and lay down behind her then smiled to herself as Lexa got just close enough so that they were close but not touching.

The physical displays of affection were still new to Lexa. She was getting used to them again, but she sometimes wasn't sure if Clarke wanted her close all of the time. She reached out and tentatively ran her fingers over Clarke's shoulder and down her arm. Clarke made a noise that sounded like a cross between a purr and a hum as she moved back until her back was pressed up against Lexa. Lexa smiled and wrapped her arm around Clarke's waist, holding her close.

"Is this okay?" She whispered in Clarke's ear.

"Lexa….this is always ok." Clarke mumbled sleepily.

"Good, then go to sleep. I will keep the demons away for tonight."

* * *

Sometime in the middle of the night, Clarke woke up gasping for air. In a panic she tried to sit up but there was a strong arm wrapped around her waist. She fought hard against it, but it held strong.

"Shhh, Clarke. You're okay."

It took Clarke a minute to recognize Lexa's voice through the panic; when she did, she stopped fighting but her breathing was still ragged, her heart racing. Once Clarke stopped fighting, Lexa moved closer and rested her chin on Clarke's shoulder.

"You're safe. It's okay." She whispered into the blonde's ear. Clarke stayed tense for a few minutes and Lexa just held her and waited. She finally relaxed and then rolled over so she was facing Lexa. Lexa kept her arm draped over Clarke's waist.

"Better?" Lexa asked softly. Clarke could barely see her in the dim light of the room, but she could hear the concern in her voice.

"Better than it normally goes…thank you." Her voice was raspy, on the verge of tears.

"What do you dream of?"

Clarke sighed and Lexa felt her body start shaking. She pulled her closer and Clarke rested her head on Lexa's chest underneath her chin.

"We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

Clarke laid and tried to steady her breathing, which she found easier to do while listening to Lexa's heartbeat as the other girl ran her fingers through her hair or over her arms and shoulder, wherever she felt would be the most comforting. Clarke smiled at the fact that Lexa was trying so hard for her. She lay there quietly for a while, then started to softly speak.

"The people I've killed…all of them. Atom, Finn, the army at the drop ship, mount weather, and the others…all of them."

"What about them?"

"Its different….sometimes they talk to me. Sometimes they are just silently there, everywhere I go until there are so many of them I can't move. Sometimes they chase me and try to kill me…"

"I'm sorry…I know how it feels."

"You have nightmares?"

"I have, in the past. Killing is not easy for me Clarke."

"I know that Lexa….how did you make them stop?"

"You have to forgive yourself."

"I don't know that I'll ever be able to…or if I even deserve that."

Lexa leaned back and tilted Clarke's chin up. Her blue eyes were shining with barely controlled tears.

"You will, and you deserve it. You're a good leader Clarke. You've always made choices based on what was right for your people. You're strong, and you'll get through this."

She leaned forward and kissed Clarke's forehead softly and what little control Clarke had vanished. The tears started rolling down her face and Lexa pulled her close again. She didn't know what to say, or if there was anything to be said that hadn't been said already, but she knew Clarke took comfort from her presence so she would be there as much as she could.

Clarke's crying didn't take long to slow to a stop as she thought about how much had changed. After Mount Weather, she had felt so broken and alone. She left Arkadia because she just couldn't feel anymore. She'd felt numb, like whatever humanity she'd been hanging on to had been destroyed when she pulled that lever. Looking back, she realized it was a very selfish move to leave her people, but at the time it was the only way she knew how to process everything.

She was finally starting to feel like herself again. With Lexa's support, things were starting to feel easier; like it wasn't so hard to carry everything anymore. The nightmares were still happening, but for the first time she had hope that those too would eventually come to an end.

She untangled herself from Lexa's embrace just far enough to kiss her gently; she could feel Lexa smile into the kiss.

"Better?" She whispered as Clarke pulled back from the kiss.

"Yes, for now at least, thank you."

"Go back to sleep. I'll be right here if you wake up again."

"You need sleep too."

"I've been asleep. Your nightmares wake me up before they do you."

"I'm sorry-"

"Shh, none of that. Sleep."

Clarke kissed her one more time before snuggling back under her chin. She felt Lexa pull a fur up over them just before she drifted back to sleep.

* * *

The next time Clarke woke up light was just starting to stream in the room. Lexa was still asleep, her arms still wrapped around Clarke. Clarke smiled at how peaceful she looked. She rarely got to see her completely relaxed. She was beautiful all the time, but this was different. She reached up and ran her thumb along her jawline then leaned closer and gently kissed along the side of her neck. Lexa moaned softly in her sleep and Clarke smiled into her neck as she kept kissing it.

"Good Morning." She whispered as she got close to Lexa's ear. She saw Lexa's green eyes flutter open as she kissed back down the side of her neck to her collar bone.

"Hmmm, good morning yourself." Lexa whispered back as she wrapped her fingers in Clarke's hair, gently pulling her head back until she could kiss her. The kiss was slow and lazy, Clarke could tell Lexa wasn't fully awake and the realization made her smile even more.

"Still sleepy?"

"No, just content."

Clarke smiled and lay back down.

"Me too."

Lexa pulled her closer and wove her legs between Clarke's. The movement was almost instinctual. She had thought she'd lost Clarke at Mount Weather; the decision to leave Clarke and the rest of Skaikru behind had been the hardest choice she'd ever had to make. She spent the months before Clarke was found trying to figure out how to make things right between them, even just as allies.

Now that she had what they had; what they were building, she didn't want to let it go. That translated into a need for her to keep Clarke as physically close as possible. So far, Clarke didn't seem to mind usually.

"Today is ascension day. Will you come to the ceremony?" Lexa asked as she ran her fingers over Clarke's upper arm.

"What is ascension day?"

"The day is different for each commander, but the celebration is a ceremony honoring the past commanders that live on in me. It's is the Nightblida's and the ambassadors."

"Well, I am an ambassador."

"I would ask even if you weren't."

"Yes, I'd love to come."

Lexa smiled and put her arm around Clarke's waist, pulling her closer. Clarke went willingly into her embrace and Lexa buried her face in Clarke's neck. Clarke was a little surprised at the sudden display of affection but happily accepted it. She ran her fingers through Lexa's hair. Lexa had to fight the urge to tell Clarke she loved her. She wanted to wait until Clarke was ready. She was happy they had gotten as close as they had and she was willing to wait however long Clarke needed.

"You okay?" Clarke whispered.

"Yes, why?"

"You aren't usually this…close? Cuddly?"

"Does it bother you?" Lexa tensed.

Clarke felt Lexa tense and start to pull away. She wrapped her arm around the other girls waist and held her.

"No, not at all. It's just different, that's all."

"I can move…"

"No, stay. I like you here." Clarke kissed the top of her head. Lexa sighed and her warm breath on Clarke's neck gave her the chills.

"I like being here." Lexa whispered as she kissed Clarke's neck, making her shiver again. Lexa smiled at Clarke's reactions to her. She thought about teasing the girl further but she was comfortable, and Clarke was warm and soft against her so she just let it go.

They lay there in silence for a while; occasionally planting soft kisses or touches on the other but mostly just in comfortable silence. Lexa had almost drifted back to sleep when Clarke whispered,

"Tell me about Costia?"

Lexa pulled back from Clarke's embrace until she could look her in the eyes.

"Why?"

"She was important to you…I just want to know more about her…"

Lexa smiled sadly.

"But I'm here with you now…that is in the past."

"It's still important. I just….I'm sorry if I made you mad….I didn't-"

"Shhh. You didn't make me mad. But….maybe not today?"

Clarke nodded and Lexa leaned forward and kissed her quickly before pulling away.

"We should get up, the ceremony will begin soon and Titus will be looking for me."

Clarke groaned and flopped her head back on the pillow and the mention of Titus's name. She rolled onto her back and tried to pull the fur over her face but Lexa was tangled in them. Much to Clarke's surprise, Lexa quickly moved so she was straddling Clarke, one knee on each side of her hips. Her eyes went wide with shock as Lexa playfully smiled at her before putting one hand on each shoulder, pinning her to the bed. She leaned down close to Clarke's face, her hair falling in curtains on either side of them.

"Don't whine Clarke, it's not attractive." She whispered before leaving a trail of kisses down the side of her neck and lightly sucking on the skin over her collar bone. As she kissed her neck, Lexa let her hands wander over Clarke's upper body; pushing her shirt up and running her hands over Clarke's stomach and sides. Clarke whimpered and Lexa laughed in her ear.

"Maybe that is a little attractive."

Clarke moaned and her body arched up to meet Lexa's touch as she barely let her thumbs grazed the underside of her breasts.

"Lexa…"

"Hmmm?"

Lexa leaned down and kissed Clarke, moaning into her mouth when Clarke ran her hands up her thighs and let them rest on her hips. She loved how Clarke seemed to lose control when things got physical between them.

Clarke growled in the back of her throat and pulled herself into a sitting position so she was holding Lexa in her lap. She sucked Lexa's bottom lip into her mouth and gently tugged on it with her teeth before letting go. Lexa's tongue met hers and their hands moved between being tangled in each other's hair to light touches all over their upper bodies.

A sharp knock on the door made them pull back, breathless.

"Heda?" Titus called loudly.

"I'll be out shortly Titus."

Titus mumbled something angrily as he walked away from the door. Clarke laughed as Lexa winked at her.

"We do have to get up." She mumbled as she kissed Clarke's shoulder.

"Keep doing that and I'm not going anywhere." Clarke whispered and tilted her head to the side as Lexa kissed her neck. Lexa bit down on her pulse point hard enough to make Clarke gasp, and then sucked on her neck.

"You're going to leave a mark." Clarke laughed. Lexa bit down again, softer this time, then raised an eyebrow at Clarke.

"So? You're mine."

"And you're impossible." Clarke put her hands on Lexa's shoulders. "Yes…I am yours. But we do need to get up."

Lexa placed one more kiss on Clarke's forehead before removing herself from the blonde's embrace and standing up.

"You should go to your room to get dressed, the ceremony will begin soon."

Clarke nodded and walked towards her room. She could still feel all of the places Lexa had kissed and she subconsciously reached up and ran her hand over what would later be a mark on her neck and smiled. It scared her to think how quickly Lexa had come to mean so much to her, but at the same time she didn't want to fight it either. She hoped peace could be reached between all the clans quickly so things could start to settle in to some sort of normal.

* * *

A short while later, Clarke stood in the throne room listening to the start of the Ascension Day ceremony; Lexa had wanted her up front near the throne but Titus insisted it would only anger the ambassadors and the other clans. They had come to a compromise and Clarke was standing up front off to the side, closer to the Commander than the other ambassadors but not so close that the favoritism was obvious.

The other ambassadors stood off to the side, a small crowd was in the back of the room, and the group of Nightblidas stood to Lexa's left; each of them holding a candle.

Lexa's voice was loud but not harsh as she started the ceremony.

"We gather here on this ascension day to honor the commanders that came before me, those who live on within me, as I will live on within one of you."

She paused in the speech to look each child in the eye. Indistinct yelling came from the hallway as a man entered, followed closely by guards, loudly stating

"The Flamekeeper promised we would be heard!"

Lexa turned to Titus and whispered angrily.

"Titus, what is this?"

"Something you need to hear, Heda." He leaned close and whispered back.

Lexa turned her attention to the man who entered the room. He was slowly kneeling in the middle of the room facing the throne. One of his companions followed with a girl who was bound and gagged. Clarke recognized her immediately and stepped forward without thinking, but stopped herself.

"Octavia!" She whispered. Octavia looked up at her and glared into her eyes.

"Forgive me for intruding on this holy day, Commander." The man who had been kneeling addressed Lexa, then stood up.

"I am Semet from Trikru and I come seeking justice."

"Explain yourself. Why do you hold Octavia of Skaikru prisoner?"

"She is a prisoner of War, Commander, brought here to bear witness to the crimes of her people!"

Clarke glanced at Lexa but couldn't stay quiet any longer. She stepped out into the middle of the room.

"What crimes? What happened?

Titus lifted his chin and stepped forward.

"Skaikru attacked their village. Because their warriors were lost when your people massacred the army we had sent to protect you, their village was defenseless."

Lexa and Clarke exchange concerned glances during Titus's explanation, then both turned their attention to Semet as he spoke again.

"Please Commander. I beg you. Avenge us."

Octavia lifted her head and glared at Semet, then Indra quietly standing to the side caught her eye and she did nothing.

"Jus drein, jus daun" Someone in the crowded chanted.

"Death to Skaikru!" Came from somewhere else in the room. Everyone started chattering and yelling. Titus's voice raised above them all.

"You will show respect in this chamber!"

The chattering slowed to silence.

"I will consider the crimes commited by Skaikru and come back with my decision."

Lexa announced before standing and quickly leaving the room. Clarke and Titus were the only people to follow her aside from her usual guards.

"How dare you bring this to me on ascension day!" Lexa yelled as she flung the doors to her room open.

"I did not bring this here Heda, You did. Against my advice you made Skaikru the 13th clan. The rejected this, murdering hundreds of your people, and yet on the very field where they died, you decided to forgive the killers, but this provocation is proof. Blood must not have blood has failed. All that can stop this now is war!"

Lexa had been pacing as Titus spoke. She stopped and faced him, both of their faces twisted in anger, the tension between them tangible.

"Clarke?" Lexa turned to her.

"Clarke's opinion in this matter is not exactly unbiased." Titus snapped and glared at Clarke, the hatred in his eyes clear.

"Titus is right." Confusion flashed in Lexa's eyes as Clarke continued. "I would do anything to save my people, you know that. But I know them." Clarke glanced at Titus then stepped closer to Lexa.

"Not everyone agrees with chancellor Pike. Kane doesn't Octavia doesn't."

"Your people did not vote for Kane!" Titus yelled from behind her, exasperated.

"Some of them did! We need to give them time to see that they made the wrong choice and fix it!" Clarke met Lexa's eyes, silently begging her to understand.

"And you believe your people will take him out themselves." Lexa asked quietly, her voice soft with understanding. Clarke nodded slowly.

"If they don't? If instead they use this time to plan their next attack? We must act now, Heda." Titus's voice rose as he spoke. Lexa was listening, but turned her back to him as she thought. He continued regardless. "Make an example of the 13th clan! Show the other 12 what happens when they defy you. You got them back when you killed the ice queen, but coalition is still fragile and if you don't' act now-"

He was cut off when Lexa raised one hand to silence him.

"I have made my decision." She stated quietly and turned and headed back to the throne room. Titus and Clarke followed, a horrible feeling was settling into Clarke's stomach.

Back in the throne room everyone was still gathered, mumbling and talking amongst themselves. Lexa took her place at her throne and raised her hand, silencing the room.

"Today I call upon the armies of the 12 clans to march on Arkadia."

Clarke thought she was going to be sick as an excited murmur ran through the crowed. Lexa waited a moment before continuing.

"Not to attack, but to contain. We will blockade the 13th clan. We will keep them from the lands they wish to possess. We will give them time to take out their leaders from within."

Clarke felt her knees go weak with relief as Lexa spoke. Titus went from looking angry to looking defeated as Lexa continued.

"Once they rise up against them, then we will welcome them back as one of us."

The room fell into a tense silence and Lexa turned to Titus. He pressed his lips together and swallowed hard before issuing the command.

"You heard the commander. Send riders. Tell your armies to set up a buffer zone around Arkadia. Five miles should be enough to keep them away from our villages. What are their orders, Heda?"

Lexa glanced at Clarke and held her gaze for a moment, hoping she would understand what was about to happen. She looked at Octavia then glanced down, taking a breath before speaking.

"Any Skaikru caught across the line will be subject to a kill order."

Octavia glared at Clarke who was confused by Lexa's orders but before she could question anything, Semet spoke.

"I do not understand Heda. How is this Vengeance?"

"It is not vengeance my brother, it is justice."

"Skaikru killed my sons! And my brother! And my wife! If the spirit of the commander will not protect us, then what will?" He screamed, his voice full of raw emotion.

Titus glanced around the room and could tell everyone was becoming agitated and uneasy.

"You mind yourself, Semet." He warned quietly.

Semet turned his back towards Lexa, facing the rest of the room and screamed,

"Death to the Commander!" as he pulled a knife from the sheath on his thigh.

He turned to face Lexa and hesitated a moment before charging her. Lexa stepped back to draw her knife but Titus was already moving. He blocked Semet and grabbed the mans knife. In one fluid movement he used it, still in Semet's hand, to slash at his neck. He then pulled it out of Semet's hand and drove the blade into the side of his neck. Semet froze and Titus held his stare as he died. He pulled the blade from Semet's neck and watched, emotionless, as his body dropped to the ground.

Titus walked up the steps to stand in front of Lexa, blood still dripping off of Semet's blade.

"Blood must have blood."

"Release Octavia. Have her and Clarke escorted to Clarke's room."

Titus nodded and Lexa left the room without a backwards glance at Clarke or anyone else. She needed a moment to think, away from all of the chaos and judgement.

* * *

Octavia followed Clarke into her room and the door closed behind them. Clarke took off her jacked and laid it on the bed as Octavia looked around.

"Wow, no wonder you wanted to stay." She said sarcastically.

"Stop. You know why I'm here."

Octavia wandered over to a dresser along the wall and sat on it, running her hands over her face.

"You okay?" Clarke asked.

"Yeah, Fine. I saw Indra in the crowd. Why wasn't she with Lexa?"

"Indra's not doing so well, Octavia. We can't deal with that right now."

"Ok, so what do we do?"

"I have to talk to Lexa."

"You just did that and came out with a kill order on all of us. That's the second time that she's left us all to die." Octavia's voice rose in anger. Clarke sighed.

"The 12 clans want a war. You know that. Lexa's just trying not to wipe us out."

"Why am I not surprised that you're still defending her? You're in love with her, aren't you?" Octavia glared at Clarke as she asked the question.

Clarke opened and closed her mouth a few times before answering. She knew lying to Octavia would only make things between them worse. It was time to admit it anyways.

"Yes, I am. Does that make anything any different?"

It was Octavia's turn to be shocked into silence.

"I'll see what I can do. Stay here." Clarke whispered as she headed to Lexa's room. Octavia waited until the door closed before mumbling,

"Yeah right." As she headed out the door to find Indra.

* * *

Clarke quietly opened the door and stepped into Lexa's room. The commander was sitting cross legged on the floor at the end of her bed, apparently in meditation. Clarke sighed and half smiled at how she could find so much calm during the hardest times.

"Someone tried to kill you today? How are you this calm?" She asked quietly.

Lexa heard something else in Clarke's voice.

"You're angry about the kill order."

"Yes."

"How else would you have me enforce a blockade?"

Clarke's shoulders sagged. She knew Lexa didn't have any other options, but she also knew what it meant for her and Octavia.

"So when do we have to leave?" She asked, her voice just above a whisper as she tried to hold back tears.

Lexa stood up and walked over to Clarke, taking both of her hands.

"We may be drawing a line, but who's to say you can't choose to stay on this side of it? Stay here….with me." The hope in Lexa's green eyes tore at Clarke's heart and she wanted nothing more than to throw herself in Lexa's arms and tell her yes.

"I told you she was not to be disturbed!" Titus voice was distant, probably down the hall, but he was coming closer.

"I know someone who might." Clarke quipped. Lexa's eyes lit up and a small smile played at the corners of her lips as Titus walked into the room. Lexa let go of Clarke's hands and stepped back. Titus stopped next to Clarke.

"Wanheda, Blockade goes into effect at dawn. I have made arrangements for you to take one of our fastest horses."

"Thank you."

"Actually, I've asked Clarke to stay in Polis as my guest."

Titus started at Lexa, his gaze cold and angry.

"Clarke, will you excuse us."

Clarke looked to Lexa who nodded once and Clarke backed out of the room and was escorted to hers.

Lexa walked to the other side of the room and stood facing away from Titus, steeling herself from what she knew was coming. He walked closer to her, speaking quietly.

"On this sacred day, I beg to remember my teachings."

Lexa turned to face him, looking into his eyes as he continued.

"Love is weakness. To be commander is to be alone."

"I will not hear this again." She whispered as she walked past him.

"Yes you will!" Titus raised his voice in anger. "Your feelings for Clarke put both of you in danger."

Lexa stopped walking and turned to face him again, knowing he would not stop until he felt he had made his point.

"Your kill order must be fully enforced. If you care for Clarke, you will send her home. It is the only way that she will be safe!"

Lexa glared sideways at Titus, grinding her teeth together in an effort to keep from screaming at him that Clarke was her home now, that she was the only thing that made anything make sense or feel worth it. Instead she quietly allowed him to continue.

"Don't make her pay the price for your mistakes as Costia did."

Something inside Lexa snapped and the glare she gave Titus was deadly. To suggest that she had somehow had something to do with Costia's death pushed her over the edge.

"My mistakes?" Her voice was a low, gravely whisper as she moved toward him but quickly changed into a powerful yell "Azgeda cut off Costia's head and delivered it to my bed! And still, I let them into my alliance. I am more than capable of separating feelings from duty!"

Titus hung his head, knowing he had pushed too far.

"I'm sorry Lexa, I didn't mean to offend you."

"Yes, you did. But you also mean well. And I know that, teacher."

"May I make arrangements for Clarke's departure?"

"That's up to Clarke. I know where you stand, Titus."

Titus sighed heavily as Lexa turned and walked away from him, dismissing him from her room without saying anything.

* * *

Clarke stood at the window in her room gazing out at Polis without really seeing anything. She was fidgeting with the sleeves of her shirt but she wasn't really aware of that either. She kept replaying Lexa's invitation for her to stay and the hope in her eyes that she would say yes. She barely looked up as Octavia came into the room; she met Octavia's eyes for a second then looked away again. Octavia knew immediately what had happened.

"She told you you can stay, didn't she? What did you say?"

"Nothing" Clarke answered quietly, sounding as tired as she felt.

"Clarke, we both know that Pike won't obey the blockade. We need to stop him before more of our people get killed!"

"What if I can do more for them by just staying here?" Clarke's voice sounded desperate.

"You can't Clarke. We don't have time for this." Octavia's annoyance was evident in her voice. Clarke sighed and shook her head, looking down at the ground. Octavia reached out and took her hand.

"Look. We need you. The kill order goes into effect at dawn. You have an hour to say your goodbyes."

She dropped Clarke's hand and walked towards the door, stopping when she was about half way there and looking back.

"If you're not there, you're not the person I thought you were."

Clarke took a shaky breath and spoke as Octavia was opening the door to leave.

"If it were you in the situation and it were Lincoln asking you to stay…would it be so easy for you to decide?"

Octavia opened her mouth to speak but then realized she didn't know what to say and all of a sudden she couldn't imagine herself in Clarke's shoes. She softly shook her head no and pulled the door shut behind her, leaving Clarke alone to make her decision.

Clarke swallowed hard past the lump in her throat and headed towards Lexa's room. Ever fiber of her being wanted to stay in Polis, but if she'd learned anything at all from Lexa it was that sometimes you had to ignore your heart, no matter how much it hurt.

* * *

 **Author's Note**

 **Not quite as long as normal but I had to stop it here because it is the only place to naturally end it without it being super long. If you are still reading, thank you. Sorry this update was slow, but I've been working on an AU fic as well.**


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